DH and I have been having a few problems for a while and this year has been quite stressful. I have a 12 year old and a 2 year old. He told me a couple of months ago that he wasn't happy but wouldn't elaborate and has seemed ok if distant and quite critical since. It has all come to a head recently with a few issues.
I pressed him on why he was unhappy and he gave me a list of things that were all things about me eg, my baggage from the past (I have had abuse in my past and I have put a lot of work into recovering from this and have had, and am still having a lot of therapy), my attitude to his family (his mum has anger issues and I disagree with the way she speaks to her grandkids) my jealousy (I got very jealous 4 years ago before we got married about his wanting to go away camping with a group for his stag do that included two girls) and since the only other time has been when I met a girl who he works with who was obviously attracted to him. I have told him I know I'm not being rational but that I just for some reason feel really insecure about his relationship with her.
He is her boss and she was being bullied by another member of staff recently so she has been doing a lot of crying onto his shoulder. She is 10 years younger than me, attractive, blonde and her boyfriend is the spitting image of DH. She has been telling DH about her relationship problems as well and it was because of this intimacy that I said something in the first place. He has bent over backwards in supporting her.
We have had other big problems recently in that he told me that he didn't like my eldest DC as a person. I was, and am still devastated about that and we are on very rocky ground. As far as I have always been concerned we come as a team and I cannot believe he could dislike a child he has known since she was 6. She is an amazing kid, bright, funny intelligent and she has tried so hard to love him but has been met with indifference. It has been an issue that has raised it's head so many times. He isn't horrible to her or anything, he just doesn't really notice or talk to her very much and it has really hurt me to see her being rejected by him when he is such a good dad to our DS. DD still sees her dad and he says that is why he doesn't bother as she doesn't need him.
He has said at my insistence that he will seek some sort of therapy to figure out why he feels like that but then cancelled the appointment and part of me feels like he has given up on us.
Just to complicate matters I am 3 months pregnant.
He often works late and seems to be working late more than normal. Most nights he is at least 30 minutes to an hour later than he says. As he made a massive deal out of the jealousy I have not said a word since and tonight I picked up his phone to look at his screen pic of DS as I hadn't seen it before. I asked for the passcode and he gave me the wrong one. He then took it back off me and put the right one in but then wouldn't let me look at the phone and just walked off.
My stomach is churning. I actually said to him recently that on paper it doesn't look good and he actually agreed with me but assured me that he wouldn't have an affair. Up until the last 6 months I would have thought that too. He has never cheated in previous relationships but we have had issues with porn, but he assures me that he doesn't do that any more.
My head is a mess, I feel like my life is in tatters and I don't know how to fix it. I thought we were solid. When pressed he also said he hasn't felt the same about me since we had a really bad row about 6 months ago. I was suffering badly with anxiety at the time and wasn't my best mentally. I apologised at the time and nothing like that has happened since but he says he thinks about me differently now.
Sorry this is so garbled, I just don't know what to think or what to do. Any help or advice would be very much appreciated.
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Am I paranoid?
14 replies
Aradia · 13/09/2013 00:24
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