It's not normal is it?
After almost 2 years, 1 year living together, we've made the decision to split. I didn't want to, but after we moved in things did a nose dive. I kept wanting them to go back to the way they were, but couldn't manage it and he didn't seem all that interested in trying.
Things have been bad. He's had issues seeing his son, and stress with work. I had issues with getting comfortable in a new place, managing work a long commute away and a difficult financial position. However, since moving in his attitude towards me got worse and worse.....
There are a number of things that have been going on - him being really anti-social with all my friends and family on many occassions (but perfectly fine with his), spending lots of time down the pub constantly while I sat at home with a sleeping 3yr old in a place where I didn't know anyone, issues of him going from 0 to 100 in anger terms in a split second and shouting and swearing, criticising my housework and lots of other things, undermining me with my son, mocking me, assuming buying things/ money would buy me, stropping around when something didn't suit (often including huffing and swearing), wanting to do exactly as he pleased all the time no matter what we had agreed/ arranged.
On my part, I recognise I had high expectations, and was a bit 'needy' as feeling a bit lost having moved. I did a very good job of responding to his strops with strops of my own, and even got very angry on a couple of occassions. He accused me of arguing a lot, but most of the time I would pick him up on something he did which I didn't like (swearing, ignoring etc) and it would escalate from there. I found it impossible to control. I can see we were both at fault, but I dont think he could see how awful he was being at times, yet I am able to hold up my hands to the stuff I have done, I'm ashamed and not proud.
So you would think I would be glad it's over, right?
But instead I'm anxious as hell. ALways. I keep going over and over things that have gone past, and thinking about how I could have handled it better. In my head I'm trying to fix it. Even when I remind myself of all the times he's shouted and sworn at me, screamed in my son's face, ignored my friends and family, embarassed me etc. It doesn't make me feel any better.
I'm worried about what next. Worried about me and my son. Desperately trying to keep the status quo instead of viewing this as a great opportunity to start again.
I'm not sleeping well, feel sick all the time, and on the verge of tears a lot. I don't know what to do.
This isn't normal is it?
What do I do?
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Relationships
Splitting... and I'm full of anxiety and can't calm down
giantpurplepeopleeater · 02/09/2013 16:06
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