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I think I want out of my marriage but am I overreacting?

(26 Posts)
saggyandsad001 Tue 25-Jun-13 17:33:58

This is the first time I have posted on MN and would like a little advice I think about what I should do as am twirling from one point of view to another..

I've been married for 7 years together for 12 (I have two DC from previous relationship) we have one DC (3yo) together. Twoish years ago OH had what was at least flirtation with junior at work for around 5 months (dinner, drinks, nights out, texts emails etc) ,possibly phyiscal although he denies this, but he was besotted with her. It took a while before he would even agree not to see her socially, wouldnt leave his job or look for another.

At the time I was working 12 hour days in the city and had a SEN baby. He was working away most of the week out all week hungover when he got back home etc. He was in short a pig. I got pregnant within months of finding out (drunk desperation sex!) and had an abortion as I was damn sure that if I kept it I would possible have two SEN babies to bring up alone. Worst mistake of my life so please do not judge.

Finally after another crisis (he took her out for a drink) last year he agreed that he would find a job by this May so he could be at home....He hasn't really looked at all...every time I asked I 'pressured him' apparently. All this time the junior has been working for him...I just found out he is about to promote her so that she will continue to report directly to him and that he turned down two jobs close to us in the last year that were offered to him (not interviewed just offered) and he didn't tell me let alone discuss

I have told him I want a divorce..I can't carry on. When friends who know what happened ask me I feel ashamed that nothing has changed in a year...but on the other hand he is promising a fresh start etc, loves me yah de yah. I think all this has made me quite depressed and am lacking confidence terribly...I don't think they see each other anymore but why is it he won't come home?

WhiteBirdBlueSky Wed 26-Jun-13 10:38:02

This is the plan I had. I was mulling it over for ages, but steps 1-7 took just over a week for me. I felt very, very lucky that I could afford step 3, and that part will make all the difference. It sounds like you're comfortably off for money, so that will be a big help.

This plan might not be right for you, but you mentioned plans so I thought it might help.

1. Find a house suitable to rent. Doesn't have to be perfect.

2. Photocopy all financial info, mortgage, pensions, savings, payslips etc.

3. Transfer enough money into your own account to cover 6 months rent and whatever you'll need to set up a new home/living expenses for 6 months.

4. Book removal men.

5. Tell him.

6. Tell the kids.

7. Move out.

8. Enjoy your life.

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