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Should I leave him?

10 replies

ozstepmum · 25/05/2006 09:49

Not sure what to do. Been with my DH 11 months and married for 3 - whirlwind romance. I had doubts before the marriage - not so much about him but about becoming a stepmum and having to live in the UK. But I kind of pushed them to one side because I really thought we were compatible. Now I believe that love/compatibility isn't going to be enough. I don't feel that we are a unit. I just feel that I've had to join his extended family. Anyone else felt like this?

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Ulysees · 25/05/2006 09:51

Sorry to hear this. Have you had a good talk with him? What sort of life do you have here? Have you got many friends, do you work?

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Carmenere · 25/05/2006 09:55

Well I can't comment too much but presumeably you love him and thought you could go the distance. Being a stepmum is a huge deal and can be very rewarding if you stick it out - there's a good chance that you could be a very important person to those kids.
Another thing worth keeping in mind is that it takes a long time to settle into a new country!!! I've been here for nearly 6 years and I've only just begun to feel settled and I only moved from Ireland.
Good Luck and unload here often - it helps

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ozstepmum · 25/05/2006 10:02

Altogether I've lived in the UK about two years and I work here. I do have some friends but most are overseas. I got married in Oz after 2 years away and it was really really hard to come back. My sister had had her first child and I felt that I was really missing out getting to know my nephew. My DH has a 6yo daughter and he wants her to be a lot older before we could consider leaving. I've always told him that I want to return to Oz - sooner rather than later but understand his position.

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Carmenere · 25/05/2006 10:08

Well I found it a bit easier to settle when I became open to building a life here. That doesn't mean that we will never live in Ireland, that is always on the cards, but I just know that here is the best place to be for us atm. But I have a dd so I think that makes a difference, are you planning kids?

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Hoopoe · 25/05/2006 10:46

I've been living in the UK for 7.5 years and it took probably about 4 years to feel like home and that I didn't want to rush back to 'real' home. Your relationship is still very new so you need to settle down there too. I was with my dh for just over a year when we married and it took me a while to adjust to being married. You've got a lot to settle into, and having his family around might help in the long run. It's really too soon to think about doing anything drastic. Hang in there for a bit more. I'd plan my next trip to Oz so there was something to look forward to, or if not there then a nice holiday somewhere else. Just a milestone to fix in your mind and re-evaluate after that.

HTH

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ozstepmum · 25/05/2006 12:42

We've agreed that we wouldn't have kids in the UK and that 4 years is the earlies we could leave. But TBH, I don't think he's that keen on the idea, although he says he is. As he spends every 2nd weekend at his parents, with his daughter (4 hours away) it would be tougher here to have a child as I wouldn't have a lot of support anyway.

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Hoopoe · 25/05/2006 14:31

What would you like to have happen?

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Twinkie1 · 25/05/2006 14:38

You are asking a lot of him to give up seeing his daughter and flying halfway across the world to live - you are also going to be depriving her of her father!!

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SenoraPostrophe · 25/05/2006 15:02

I know how you feel: I feel like I'm too far away myself and I'm only 2,000 miles away.

however your dh is obviously close to his family too and would possibly be miserable in australia. But as it goes at least that means you have some family nearby. You can only do what you feel is right but I can't help feeling you'll regret leaving him. and you can have kids without your own family around btw.