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What do you think of this? Should it bother me quite as much as it does?

(14 Posts)
akaWisey Fri 03-May-13 18:59:40

This is going to sound very silly in the grand scheme.

Today DD rang and asked if I was going to poker tonight (a long Friday night tradition which used to be shared with ex who wears purple trousers, and since divorce and his flight to OW up country, is MY night with good buddies).

I said I didn't know. Good, she said cos dad is going. WTAF????? After two years, no life here, in the space of two weeks he's been out for a drink in our home town with a mutual friend and now he's going to fucking poker????

DD must have gone back to her father because I got a conciliatory text from him saying he wouldn't go if I didn't want him to. I texted back that what he does is up to him and left it at that. He texted back that he's staying in town tonight for a local conference tomorrow and that's why he thought he'd play.

I want that man no where near my life. What a fucking twunt to think he could rock up to somewhere so close to home and my heart.

Now I'm getting texts from DD (who is with her twat father asking me when if and when I'm planning to go on holiday, dates etc) I just know he's behind it. I am so fucking angry.

defineme Fri 03-May-13 19:05:19

That's really really crap... Keep up with the 'do what you like line' and have a quiet word with dd to please be open and honest if any questions are coming from him.
Keep your head held high, you are the better person smile and do not let him get to you.

akaWisey Fri 03-May-13 19:10:57

It is crap isn't it defineme, that's what I thought. Even though he's said he's not going to go now he might as well do because it's the complete lack of respect that pisses me off.

Finola1step Fri 03-May-13 19:11:30

Keep that head held high Wisey. It sounds like he's around only for a short period, he'll soon be gone! With the dates, be very non committal. Then talk to your DD face to face.

And purple trousers! shock

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 03-May-13 19:16:36

I'd be more upset with these so-called 'good buddies' that invited him along to play poker rather than you... hmm

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Fri 03-May-13 19:20:10

I'd text back "Tell your father I haven't decided on my holiday plans and it's none of his business anyway"

Probably best to make it clear that you know exactly what is going on.

Shame on him for asking your daughter to do this

akaWisey Fri 03-May-13 19:31:41

He wasn't invited, he told our mutual friend (who doesn't take sides and doesn't discuss either of us with the other) he would go.

I had the same reaction actually. i was angry with mutual friend who was the first person I turned to with the text evidence of the affair and it was he and his lovely DP who helped me plan what to do next. But in his defence I think he would say that I've moved on, dated, seem happy (I am) and we're adults etc.

The others aren't friends of ex, but they're my friends and I think would feel distinctly uneasy with ptm at poker. But they go to play poker and none of us ever discuss very personal stuff, it's all about drinks, poker and friday night fun.

It seems to me that ex manages to know all sorts of stuff about me when I know absolutely nothing about him, his plans, how he's doing…….actually that's exactly how it was when I was married to him. hmm. I've done so well in the last two years in large part because I knew I can go anywhere in town and I wouldn't bump into him. Now I'm not so sure…...

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 03-May-13 19:31:43

No-one else think the 'friends' are in the wrong here? He disappears for two years, the OP is the regular player and allegedly their best bud, and yet they just blow her out and invite the ex to pull up a chair....

I'd make some new mates...

akaWisey Fri 03-May-13 19:32:49

I could go to poker too. I'm not un-invited. We could sit across the table and play. It would be excruciating for everyone.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Fri 03-May-13 19:32:56

If he wanted to rattle you he's achieved that. Maddening but try not to show it. I don't know how old DD is but if she is old enough maybe wait 'til she's back then have a quiet word saying there's a fine balance between keeping things civil and her father overstepping boundaries when it comes to sharing information and space.

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 03-May-13 19:33:55

The mutual friend has acted very badly indeed if they know the history. The others are a bunch of spineless sheep.

akaWisey Fri 03-May-13 19:36:23

If it was the case that my poker buddies invited him - yes, I'd blow them out. It would have been the one friend of both of ours (who hasn't had much contact at all in two years but two weeks ago he told me he was going to invite ex for a drink, and they did go out) who ex would have contacted and asked if he could go to poker.

Since then I've had text from mutual friend asking if I'm going to poker. I said no.

akaWisey Fri 03-May-13 19:40:22

Yes he has rattled me. I never show it. But ex doesn't do things directly. He told DD he was going to poker knowing she would want to warn me.

That also rattles me. If he'd texted me and said hey Wisey how would you feel if I went to poker tonight? I'd have said suit yourself it's a free country and THEN I'd have had a minor meltdown. But he'd have been none the wiser.

Yes, am angry with mutual friend. I am thinking he only asked me if I was going tonight once he knew ex wasn't going. Ex probably told him poor Wisey can't handle seeing me and wants me to stay away. GRRRRR!!!!

akaWisey Fri 03-May-13 19:42:22

Thank you by the way. I shall ask DD (18) again, to not discuss anything about me with her father.

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