This is long but I will try to make it as brief as possible.
My husband passed 2 years ago, and for a year I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend who I will call here F. I have know F for over 20 years, we were in a relationship when we were 16/17 and he was the best boyfriend I ever had (and I had loads, in fact I am divorced from my 1st husband). We had (and still have) a great deep connection, very supportive relationship and lots of interests in common. We understand each other very well and have a great deal of admiration and respect for each other. Sex is amazing.
The reasons why we ended our relationship 20 years ago were:
1st- my mum and therefore all my family didn't approve of him even tough she never ever tried to get to know him properly and decided to judge him on his looks (tattoos, skateboard, rock and roll style) - and his mum didn't like me and never wanted to meet me either (not sure why). This made very difficult and tiresome for us to be together since we were not allowed in each others house properly and had to meet on the streets or other peoples house all the time. But it wasn't a secret to anyone we were in a relationship (small city in other country, everyone knew)
2nd- He cheated on me. We were on summer holidays in other city, he was at friends house and I was in my uncle's house. I was allowed to go out during the day but never during the night. One day there was this really cool party at the house and I promised I was going to go and had to call during the party saying that I was all dress up and ready but couldn't convince my uncle and decided not to go. Following day we met in the morning and he confessed he slept with one girl, he was ashamed and sorry and angry with himself and had no feelings for her (he knew this girl for a long time, even before me and never had anything to do with her so apparently this was a thingy of the moment). He said he loved me and would like to carry on with our relationship if I could truly forgive him even though he couldn't forgive himself, but he also would understand if I wanted to end and wouldn't give a hard time. So his last line made me end the relationship. However, I was ok, a bit shocked because I never expected that from him, but there were no anger, we remained great friends and kept supporting each other (we and specially him, had lots of family problems).
Ah I need to add that at that point we haven't had any sex ever, as we wanted it to be special and never had the opportunity for a perfect moment.
A year afterwards I moved city and he moved country so we lost contact. Than I moved to another country and than came to London where I met him totally out of the blue in the streets (this was about 8 years ago). We were both in a rush but exchanged phone numbers and started communicating, however he was moving countries again and we did not have a chance to meet up properly (I was very depressed, dealing with my divorce and was always either working very hard all hours I could and sleeping on the free time)
So he moved out of England and we lost contact again.
After my 2nd husband passed away, I decided to open a FB acc to track down people from my past. I tracked him down and we started to talk again, he started coming to London to visit me and I started to go where he lives too. We started a relationship again and so far it has been perfect in every single way. And I finally feel loved and in love the proper way. (my late H was a great guy buts was not 'the one' iyswim).
However...
After 1 year together he revealed he has been lying all along. He (who was very poor 20 years ago) is now a millionaire. He won the lottery few years back and even though he has a normal (but very nice lifestyle), he has all this money invested and he doesn't really know what to do with this all (he says he helps a lot of people). He wants to help me, give everything I need and I want and wants to stay with me forever. He says he can't stop thinking about proposing but doesn't know how/when to do it since he knows I am divorced and also a widow and knows how much I suffered in the past.
Anyway, this took my breath away and I was really confused as to why he lied all this time (not many people know about it, people think he is very successful in his business).
I asked for a break to think about what to do.
What would you do?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I don't know what to do about my boyfriend lie. WWYD?
Maravilha · 07/04/2013 22:51
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