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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Unknown

23 replies

flamingnorah · 20/02/2013 09:15

I've been seeing a guy for 3 months and in that time he's broke / lost his phone twice so have missed a couple of dates because of this and we've met up again and I've seen he's got a new phone and then a replacement one .
He said when his phone was broke he didn't have my number and looked me up on Facebook but couldn't find me so on our date I added him incase it happened again , the next day we saw each other and he commented I'd disappeared from his friends list so I readded him , a bit later I noticed he'd gone from my list and mentioned it but he said I was still on his and sent a screen shot of his phone showing this .
So do people just disappear from your friend list ?
Also his ex is constantly changing the arrangements for when he's having his daughter so I get moved around a lot which he can't help but it's beginning to annoy me especially when it's my child free weekend and I end up alone again as its too late to replan with friends etc .
The time we spend is brill we really get on very well , we've said we're not seeing others etc but I'm a bit wary about this and I'm not sure why ? What are your thoughts on all this is it just a clumsy guy or more to it ?

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AttilaTheMeerkat · 20/02/2013 09:21

It all seems like very hard work. Love should not be such hard work.

How does someone manage to either lose or break their phone twice in three months?. That all seems a bit fishy to me. The whole issue with the phone and his ex would make me want to walk away now.

I would be thinking very seriously about this considering that there are such issues only after three months.

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

StuffezLaBouche · 20/02/2013 09:26

My guess would be he's not in a position to be seeing anyone (ie not single) and jas taken a pic of you on his friends list then deleted you. In case you put anything on his page indicating you're seeing him.
I had a bloke who blocked me from his fb when we started seeing eachother. Guess what?
He was married.

izzyizin · 20/02/2013 09:27

Are you sure his ex is his ex? Have you been to his home, met any of his friends and family members?

pictish · 20/02/2013 09:28

Hmmm...it sounds a bit crap for the relationship being so new tbh.
You're having to work to get him to find time for you...as though you're an afterthought on standby. That would be too shabby for me!

I don't imaine you should be the centre of his universe at such an early stage of course, but neither should you be waiting in the wings.

betterthanever · 20/02/2013 09:28

agree with atilla felt exhausted reading it - run a mile from this guy. No people do not just disappear from your friends list, he is playing you. Sorry but you will find someone better.

flamingnorah · 20/02/2013 09:32

Well we do see each other a lot and have a great time good laugh and that bit is fun .
The first phone got send back to apple as it kept freezing on the screen and he used an old phone but lost that on a night out , now I've done that before left my phone somewhere when drunk so that bits feesable but I don't know .
If I didnt like him I'd have binned him by now maybe I should

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Lizzy1975 · 20/02/2013 09:32

Agree with everything above. The Facebook stuff is not cool, he doesn't want people (someone?) to know about you. You get on great, but you'll get on great with someone else who is available, reliable and who you don't have to chase. X

izzyizin · 20/02/2013 09:34

How often is 'a lot'?

izzyizin · 20/02/2013 09:35

Where do you go on your dates with him? Do you stick to your part of the world or sometimes have a drink in his local?

Littleturkish · 20/02/2013 09:36

Go with gut.

Sounds off.

BakingWithToddler · 20/02/2013 09:36

Alarm bells ringing. Issues with keeping in contact, disappearing from his friends list and the frequent cancelling or rearranging all suggest he's still with his supposed "ex"

Even if it turns out he's not using you to cheat on his partner, why would you settle for someone who treats you so poorly so quickly into a relationship? You mention your childfree weekends, have your children met this man? If so, given his lack of reliability and it's suggested lack of care and respect for you, do you really want this to be a model of relationships your dc learn and emulate themselves when older? Give them a lesson in self respect and get rid of this man. Show your children that being treated with consideration is an absolute minimum, and that being constantly let down is not something to be tolerated.

If there are issues now in the first three months it is not just relationship that will develop into a healthy, happy fulfilling partnership.

flamingnorah · 20/02/2013 09:38

We've been seeing each other 3 times aweek sometimes 4 I've been to his local and round his area as he has mine and he also plays pool with my dad so he is single but I'm just a bit baffled with the rest really .

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BakingWithToddler · 20/02/2013 09:40

Stupid predictive phone. Or perhaps stupid user It is not a relationship that will develop into a healthy, happy fulfilling partnership

AlfalfaMum · 20/02/2013 09:50

It all sounds a bit dodgy to me

The Facebook thing is odd, sounds like he has you as a friend but has you blocked??

Is he easy to contact, other than the several times he's lost/broken his phone? I mean, does he pick up whenever you call and is he quick to reply to texts?
Have you been to his house?

Can you ask him outright if he's involved with someone else?

flamingnorah · 20/02/2013 09:59

Yeah he replies to texts quick enough and also texts me if I don't him , if I ring he answers , I have asked him if he's with someone else and he's said no .
Maybe I should just leave it and call it a day

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flamingnorah · 20/02/2013 10:00

Yeah I've been to his house also

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Hissy · 20/02/2013 10:26

He's not into having a proper relationship with anyone by the sounds of it. He's someone's EX for a reason.

Move on, you can do better than this!

AlfalfaMum · 20/02/2013 10:33

Ok, so it doesn't sound as if he can be hiding anything major. I don't know.. How long has he been separated from his ex? Could it be he feels like he needs to keep you a secret in case she makes access more difficult? Have a good chat with him, try to get everything clear, and if you're still not happy make your decision.

BakingWithToddler · 20/02/2013 10:35

Would you behave in this way towards someone you really wanted to be with? No? Then you have your answer. He's just not that interested. Sorry. You will find someone better, don't hang on to this fool.

badtasteflump · 20/02/2013 10:39

My gut feeling is that he's not that bothered. Something I learnt in life (eventually) was that if a man really likes you he will make the effort to see you, whether you push for it or not - and how much running you do won't make any difference....

So I would sit back, get on with your life and if he is genuine he will start doing to running. If he doesn't bother - there's your answer.

pictish · 20/02/2013 10:41

I agree flump - well said.

badtasteflump · 20/02/2013 11:06

Aw thanks Pic

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flamingnorah · 20/02/2013 17:21

Thanks everyone , he's been split from his ex 2 years but I'm wondering if this is why he's in fact single !!
He does seem bothered and any free time he has I get there's just those few things on my mind so I've decided I'm leaving it alone let him arrange stuff and if he doesn't well il know won't I ? Although he is a frequent texter that's what I mean it's all a bit muddled

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