I really don't know what to do for the best....my DM keeps falling out with me over how I bring up dc. She has always been quite controlling but I have always just gone along with what she has said until my dc came alone 18months ago....that is where our problems started.
DM was so overbearing when dc was born, she felt entitled to alone time with dc from been only weeks old and always put pressure on me for this and overnight stays. i remember when dc was 10 days old and she took her off me and went in the next room to have alone time with her and wouldn't give me her back and i needed to bf her. she would always try and stop me feeding dc when i saw her cues and she'd put me down for most of my parenting decisions.... Accusing me of feeding dc too often (I was trying to establish bf), ignoring my requests with her heavy smoking and undermining most decisions I was making on just about everything. It seemed that everything I did she always had unwanted advice of how she would have done it different (on how her way was the right way)
So 18 months on and DM now criticises me as she thinks dc should be going over for the day without me or for days out with her but I'm not so keen. I don't get the days out alone thing cos if u go for a family day out then why would u want to exclude your own dc and just want to take your dgc. I work during the week 2-3 days and feel my weekends and days off with dc are precious while she is so young. There are also other gp's to visit and consider during the weekends. I think my DM wanted to have dc as and when she wanted and not have me around ...but at 18 months dc is still quite clingy and doesn't like to be left and tbh I am fine with nurturing that until she is ready ....I don't want to rush her independence and I enjoy our time together and I feel like I have enough time away from her when I am at work.
My main worry about leaving dc with my DM is her heavy smoking. Her house smells of it even though she doesn't smoke inside while we are there....but she is always pushing the boundaries like asking if its ok to smoke at the door rather than outside...so I know full well this is what she would do without me there. she needs to smoke at least every hour so i don't feel like i can leave dc there for extended amount of time on her own anyway. I don't trust her not to smoke outside if I wasn't there as she does think I make a big fuss over nothing with the passive smoking thing.
our relationship is very strained at the moment. We used to be so close but her over bearing nature and criticising of my parenting has taken its toll. She says she is hurt I have not made her 'the main GP' and has also fallen it with my dh as she feels he should see her side of things because our dc was her 1st dgc but his DM has other dgc.... As if my dh is going to put my DM first when she has been the most argumentative GP of them all
W keep going round in circles of 'agreeing to disagree' but then it only lasts so long then she will have a go at me over something silly and make a bigger argument over her spending time alone with dc.....I am jus getting fed up of it now as it wearing me down and making me question my parenting but my dc is such a happy, clever little thing and everyone else says this...so I can't be doing a bad job (with dh). I use my instincts alot with parenting and they are just not the same as my own dm's and I think it insults her.
I jus can't see a way round this...... But if we do stop talking then I am unsure what to do about when dm sees dc. I don't want to stop dc from getting to know her granny but I also don't want things to continue as they are with me and my DM. I know my DM can be quite manipulative though so I worry that will be an issue when dc is older. But how things are at the moment (one minute me and DM talking then the next she has fallen out with me) I feel is just really bad for dc to see when she's is growing up.
So I am just looking for advice really (and needed to get stuff off my chest).
Has anyone stopped talking to their dm's and how has this affected when there dm's see their dgc.....
There's so much that has happened I would be here all night if I was to write how much DM has hurt me sinse having dc...I just don't know where to go from here.
I just don't want me lovely dc affected by this situation....and if me and DM did cut ties then what is best for my dc.......
I am just so sad about it all...
Thank you if you are still reading ... That turned into a long one.
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Really don't know the right thing to do....
11 replies
Dinkyblu · 12/02/2013 22:52
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