Anyone done the rules and did it work for you?

[superstarheartbreaker]

I threw my copy of 'the rules' out at uni as it was doing my head in; it was so pescriptive but as I am still single and have a tendancy to chase men I thought I'd give it another chance.
Some of it I agree with such as :
" It dosn't matter if you're not a beauty queen, that you never finished college, or that you don't keep up with current events. You still thinkyou're enough!"

Some ideas are awful such as:

"If you have a bad nose get a nose job."

Also surely this advice is contradictory. If it dosn't matter if we are not a beauty queen why go to extreme measures to get surgery to attract a man?


I mean was this book actually written by a man?!

But what about all the playing hard to get stuff? I guess there might be something in that?

[sarahseashell]

try why men love bitches - often recommended on here

[hopkinette]

No. I'd rather be single forever than pretend to be a cunt.

[KatyTheCleaningLady]

Some of that book was really awful. Shit like the nosejob thing, for example.

But, if all you take away from it is "No booty calls. No sitting around waiting for booty calls. No blowing off your plans for booty calls" then it's done good.

I do think if a woman is happy, confident, and genuinely busy being fabulous, men will go mad for her.

[MmeLindor]

I haven't read the book but think if you start a relationship by trying to control it, or manipulate your partner then it is difficult to develop trust and respect.

Don't play games. Be honest with yourself and with the men you meet.

If he's not in to you, walk away. Don't sell yourself short.

[VoiceofUnreason]

Have to say, as a bloke (hopefully a decent one), I have no interest in anyone who plays any form of games or mess around doing the 'play hard to get' scenario. And neither do most blokes.

[Aussiebean]

My fiancé boss had an ex girl friend who played games. So he walled away. Married his wife and 20 years later they are millionaires. Worked for every penny and a great partnership. Although funnily the wife still gets very protective when she sees the ex out and about.

Anyway I read the rules and agree with not putting your life on hold the moment you meet a man so you are available for everything he suggests.

But I did develop my own rule and that was no sex for the first 3 weeks. No matter how sexy or how great we got on.

I worked out that the men who were really interested in me wouldn't mind and would keep up the effort. But those who werent interested in me, but wouldn't mind a shag(and therefore would say anything to get me into bed) would be gone by the end of week 2. They didn't want to waste time on someone who wasn't a sure thing.

That's my rule. Well not anymore. And my fiancé and I ended up waiting a couple of months but spent most of our time together.

[KatyTheCleaningLady]

What I thought was the point of the Rules was not to manipulate the men into behaving as you wanted, but to screen out those who weren't what you wanted. Like Aussiebean said: those who were interested would wait a while. So, things like never accepting a date for the weekend after Tuesday or no sex until a certain length of time will screen out the booty call guys.

The fact is, when a man is truly smitten with a woman, he will fall all over himself to woo her and make romantic gestures. If a woman has gotten fed up with last-minute booty calls and being blown off on their birthdays, then putting these sorts of rules into place can keep her from wasting time on guys who are just using her for sex until the woman they really want comes along.

[KatyTheCleaningLady]

blown off on "her birthday" I mean.

[emsyj]

I think all the Rules says really (ignoring the ridiculous 'grow your hair long', 'get a nose job' crap which is only really one paragraph of nonsense) is not to pursue a man who's not that into you. OP, if you have a tendency to chase men then maybe it would be helpful for you - it helped me. I used to just go after and ask out anyone I liked the look of, but it never went anywhere and eventually I realised it wasn't working because often the man would say yes because they were flattered (not the same as them actually liking you) but ultimately wasn't that into me.

I did do most of the Rules on DH - but I did move in with him before we were married. I wasn't sure if he was the man for keeps but I wanted to live with him and try it out (and we were both young, I was 25 and he was 23 so neither of us really thinking of marriage at that time) so I figured it was more of a risk for him than for me. As it turned out it worked pretty well and we've been married 3.5 years now, with one DD and DC2 on the way (hopefully this week!) He's not perfect (nor am I) but he has never left me unsure about his love or commitment. Some of the behaviour that folk put up with on here really shocks me, I don't have any of that in my marriage but I have no idea if that is because I did the Rules - who knows?

[TurnipCake]

I'm more of a Baggage Reclaim gal myself; self-love, self-esteem, not tolerating any crap from unavailable people, and Natalie doesn't tell you to get a nose job (plus, it's free!). I bought Why Men Love Bitches a decade ago, but I do not need to refer to myself as a bitch, thank you very much.