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ED - how to deal

(5 Posts)
wanttomakethingsbetter Thu 24-Jan-13 17:05:08

We have been experiences issues when we go to do the deed where my OH loses erection. It has got to the point where it is really worrying me and I admit to having previously getting quite upset which really doesnt help.

My oh has seen the GP and had a blood test which ruled out anything underlying. It has been san issue since we met and we are under a lot of stress.I was on antideoressants for a while which affected my own libido.. The one offs previously werent a concern, these things happen but just now I really feel it must be something I am doing or not doing. We are intimate in other ways but it feels like something is missing. Throughout our love life if i have instigated this has tended to be a trigger making me feel quite sad at times but my OH is wonderful and has been patient when I havent wanted to. I just want to nake things ok but dont know where to start.

whatsthatcomingoverthehill Thu 24-Jan-13 17:25:49

If there's no physical reason then it is quite likely to be anxiety about his performance. If you want to help him then you really must try and keep your cool. Getting upset with him will only make him more anxious. Try reassuring him that you're not upset. Or be intimate but without penetration for a while, so it's not all about him keeping it up. Viagra could help to give him a bit of confidence (though if there isn't a physical reason it shouldn't be necessary).

Charbon Thu 24-Jan-13 17:42:15

It's unlikely to be anything to do with you at all.

Did you say it's always been the same? If so, how long have you been together?

Does he use porn a lot? This has been linked to erectile dysfunction and also inability to ejaculate through penetrative sex.

wanttomakethingsbetter Thu 24-Jan-13 18:16:27

I generally do not get upset but just broke down a few weeks ago and probably more so over the past few years.

We have been together 11 years. In the early days it wad put down to nerves, after the kids tiredness and recently fitness. As far as I am aware it isnt porn related. We have money issues and a disabled child and I know this takes its toll. I guess i just want to do something about it bbut feel my husband would prefer to ignore the issue in the hope it will go away. Trying to spice things up seems to make things worse and sometimes things feel quite suppressed.

OneMoreChap Fri 25-Jan-13 15:14:48

All sorts of things.

Performance anxiety.
Blood pressure/anti depressant med are always a good cause (which affect me sometimes) but the doctor's ruled that out.

Sorry, talking to each other and possibly a reference for sexual coinselling...

Charbon
Does he use porn a lot? This has been linked to erectile dysfunction and also inability to ejaculate through penetrative sex.

I didn't know that. I'll have to have a look for that. When I was suffering I used what I'd call porn sometimes (I'm told it's erotica as it was written), as with that to help I could masturbate, even if I couldn't sustain an erection.

Other suggestions? Verging on TMI Vibrators can help - I used to enjoying helping my wife, and then with one of her more unsubtle toys she could make me climax. Realising we still fancied each other despite my problems helped a lot as does the occasional blue pill [which makes me like a teenager again, except with a much longer refractory period]

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