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Does AGE GAP matter? advice sought please

(42 Posts)
Wecanfixit Sun 06-Jan-13 19:33:22

I have a very good friend who is online dating after being on her own for awhile she is 54 attractive outgoing and bubbly personality, A chap who is 45 has contacted and is interested - she is in a spin as what to do she told him NO , but likes the sound and the look of him , she just can not get her head around the fact that a young man like that would be interested in her and not just for one thing , please any tips or advice I can give to my friend would be appreciate I just want to see her happy with someone.

BadLad Mon 14-Jan-13 06:43:25

I am eight years younger than DW. I don't even think about it most of the time, but everyone so often, she will mention what she was doing at some major event in the past. For instance, she watched Maradona's cheating in her first year at university, and I was a little taken aback, as I was still in prep school.

sashh Mon 14-Jan-13 04:14:20

My last relationship was with someone 12 years youger, the one before that 10 and the one before that 10.

The only thing that is a bit creepy is when you realise that you were in high school before they were born.

Nanny0gg Mon 14-Jan-13 01:30:54

I think there can be issues when young - teens/twenties, okay when twenties up to forties/fifties and then it gets tricky again when it's 60s to 70s.

But if she's not looking at this as long-term (yet!) then what's the harm?

E320 Sun 13-Jan-13 20:04:34

I am 54, my "toyboy" is 47, we have known one another for 6 and a half years. No "age gap" issues there at all. He was looking for someone older. Very sweetly, on my 50th birthday, he was looking at my cards and asked me why a lot of them had 50 on them as I was so "young".
My sister remarried 3 years ago, my bil is 10 years younger than she is. He is lovely and completely adores her and her 3, now "grown-up" children.

Naysa Sun 13-Jan-13 15:40:50

Depends entirely on the age.

One of my best friends is with a man 12 years older than her. They got together when she was 18 and he was 30. They've moved in together and she has been forced to grow up very quickly. He's talking about marriage and children because "he doesn't have long left" even though he's only 30 He also encourages her to end friendships as her friends are "immature". In this case I think it's too much of an age gap not helped by the fact that he is a masdive twat

digerd Sun 13-Jan-13 10:35:55

I know a woman of 36 who had 2 kids 12 and 14, 6 months divorced after 16 years of marriage he up and left to move in with a woman down the road and her 2 kids - never to have contact with his own again.
She met a man of 28, abroad on holiday who gave up his religion for her, gave up his own country and right to have kids of his own as she didn't want anymore and half his salary to marry her and come and live in UK. That was in 1976 and they are still together.
Another was widowed at 50 and within a year met a man of 36, and they are still together since 1997.
But did not meet through on-line dating.

Numberlock Sun 13-Jan-13 09:14:14

I'm glad she went ahead and met him, shame there was no spark but this is why it's important to meet in the real world. Hope she has fun on the next date!

Springhasarrived Sun 13-Jan-13 08:38:25

Thanks for the update. I love an update on a thread. So often you never get to know the outcome. grin

Wecanfixit Sun 13-Jan-13 02:56:20

latest update on my friend thinking of dating a younger man, well she took the plunge met for a coffee but guess what no spark!, so she was releived and pleased she had met him , and now moving on and has another coffee date with a chap a few years older and they seem to have lots in common , so keeping my fingers crossed for her this time.

Wecanfixit Sun 06-Jan-13 20:29:40

No no DCs they both have had their kids all grown up now thankfully !, never thought of the Cougar thing but I guess it is all in the persons head how they see age doesnt?, if they get in then what the heck each to there own I say , life is short got to grab it with both hands.

Allergictoironing Sun 06-Jan-13 20:26:02

Yep I agree, it was old fashioned conditioning that made me ask whether it was wrong to flirt with a much younger guy. As far as I'm concerned, as long as they are at least half my age then they're old enough wink.

By the time the younger person is mid-40s onward though, so exceptionally unlikely there will be DCs, then it shouldn't matter.

DizzyHoneyBee Sun 06-Jan-13 20:25:15

9 years is not much when middle aged IMO.
12 years age gap between me and my ex, it didn't cause any problems. We still get on well now.

Numberlock Sun 06-Jan-13 20:24:31

Cannot abide the term cougar.

dequoisagitil Sun 06-Jan-13 20:22:46

Bleurgh to the whole notion of the cougar! It's just a sexist thing. If you both have the same basic life goals, then age is irrelavant. If ou want dc, it becomes relevant - even with men.

Allergictoironing Sun 06-Jan-13 20:20:19

I was talking to a mate recently about how "cougar-ish" I had felt flirting with a guy 12 years younger than me, when she reminded me of one couple we know where she is 18 years older than him, and a second couple where the age gap is even greater (again older woman younger man).

I would be interested in knowing her views if the OPs friend was 45 and a 54 year old man was asking her for a date, bet there wouldn't be a problem with that!

ledkr Sun 06-Jan-13 20:18:00

My dh is ten yrs younger and we are just fab together hardly argue and have such a laugh. We have 2 dds and are always planning h our next adventure. We are very open and discuss anything that crops up. I have never been happier.

izzyizin Sun 06-Jan-13 20:17:16

When I see 'bubbly personality' I think 'airhead' smile

FloweryDrawers Sun 06-Jan-13 20:06:05

We have a few 9 yr gaps in our family. My Dad was 9 yrs older than my Mum - happily married for many years until he died. Another relative is 9 yrs older than her partner - I think he was 42 and she was 51 when they met, both divorcees who already had older/adult children. Still going strong after about 10 years.

That's not to say that this chap isn't only after sex, though. That's an occupational hazard that has nothing to do with age gap IME.

PetiteRaleuse Sun 06-Jan-13 20:01:10

No, it doesn't matter as long as you aren't the kind of person who worries too much about what other people think.

Wecanfixit Sun 06-Jan-13 19:59:21

aurynne - thanks now I understand yea it is quite a daft exspression!
Missmapp - So happy for you and thanks for sharing fingers crossed for my girlfriend - I will tell her to go for it!

tzella Sun 06-Jan-13 19:58:23

I'd hate to be described as 'bubbly' because I'm also fat hmmgrin

missmapp Sun 06-Jan-13 19:57:47

10yrs between me and my Dh and we have been happily married for many years now- tell her to go for it

aurynne Sun 06-Jan-13 19:55:17

Wecanfixit, my comment was tongue-in-cheek. "Bubbly personality" is such an overused expression on online dating profiles hat it has lost any meaning... it also conjures the image of a person full of bubbles, which is a bit childish as a way to describe someone in their fifties... but that's just me :P

Wecanfixit Sun 06-Jan-13 19:54:58

P.S. Izzyin - I agree with your sentiments exactly thanks will keep you posted!

Numberlock Sun 06-Jan-13 19:54:56

Tell her we want that first date arranged and a report back by the end of the week!

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