On Sept 23rd 2010 I discovered that H was having an affair. Initially he told me it was with a nurse called Sarah and he said it was stupid and it was over. He lied. He lied continually for the next year, bought three PAYG mobile phones to keep in touch with her, told her all the usual lies (we didn't have sex/I didn't understand him/only together for the kids etc) and I threw him out and took him back 5 times. Eventually found out the woman is actually called Gemma and worked with him. They lied because they are in the Air Force and its frowned upon (especially as he's her superior). We were both checked out for STD's (she was sleeping with two other men at the same time), I had to take anti-depressants, sleeping pills, lost over a stone (only a size 8/10 to start with) and had no periods for 7 months.
During that awful year the OW abused me verbally and via text message, facebook and email, until I blocked her from everything. She bought H a laptop for Christmas, broke into his email account and used that to abuse me. Only have one computer at home; youngest dc read one of the mails. Eldest dc (10 at the time) got her mobile number and text her saying "leave my daddy alone". The OW replied "Oh fuck off". H did nothing. In one particular telephone conversation i had with her i asked her if she was concerned about the damage she was doing to me and H's children. She replied "I don't give a fuck about you or your kids".
On one of the many times I accepted H back he told me that when he spoke about his children she said "oh no, not your fucking kids again....".
Eventually I had to go to the Station Commander at H's base and ask him to please tell the OW to leave me and my children alone - she had by that time; having no other way to harass me, taken to signing my email up to internet sites for sex dating, vaginal tightening and one particular one called '1000 reasons why I'm a shit mom', using log in details such as 'fatuglyoldbitch'.
That is only a brief glimpse what this dreadful woman put us through, if I listed it all we'd be here all night!
When I finally kicked him out for the last time - having found pictures that she sent him (NOT of her face. Or even just her boobs for that matter) - H was in Afghanistan waiting for her to join him, and he's never returned home. He now has a flat (paid for by the Air Force) in the same town as her flat (she is also married it seems but separated too - married for a year) and is continuing the relationship with her. She is 15 years his junior (he is 43) and they spend their time going to pubs and clubs and shopping. Oh and playing on the Xbox she bought him for Christmas! He see's his children about once a month for the day and they have been to stay with him twice. He fits them in when OW is away on detachment and/or he is in the country. Every time they see him there is enormous fallout afterwards. Youngest DC wets the bed, eldest DC is simply awful. She steals food, money, swears is abusive and really rude. She is seeing the counselor at school but her behavior is getting worse. When i asked eldest DC what happens when they are there she cried and said "mum, he is on at me all the time about how its all your fault and you drove him away, I don't know whether to believe him or not..."
Neither DC wants to have anything to do with the OW.
My question, all you wise women out there is; Do I allow this awful, morally vacuous woman to meet my children? If not, how do I prevent? And also, how do I make the DC's visits to their dad easier with less grief afterwards?
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Relationships
Allowing the OW access to the DC
21 replies
marbleless · 04/01/2013 19:40
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