Father & phoning on Xmas Day

[frazmum]

Last year my father who lives on the other side of the world, spent Xmas Day with us. He is a typical narcissist and world revolves around him. On the day he wouldn't eat breakfast with us. Came for 1/2 hour before church, to church, had a light lunch and went back to his B&B then didn't return. Apparently he fell asleep.

Just got an email asking when would be best to phone as he's busy on Xmas Day with friends and 'playing Santa' to two other families. Am annoyed as he spent very little time with his Grandkids. He got annoyed on Xmas Eve when we wouldn't go sightseeing as DC's wanted to do xmas stuff. Very tempted to send back an email saying pity he spends more time with Xmas than with family, but DH doesn't want me wading into a fight. I know I should walk away but think it's just letting him get away with it. What do I do?

[HECTheHallsWithRowsAndFolly]

I'd probably just say any time on the 27th because we're really busy until then with family and friends.

I realise thats probably unhelpful but it would piss him off to think you had no time for him either.

More reasonably, perhaps it would be best to just detail your plans in a neutral way and tell him to call whenever, it doesn't really matter

[frazmum]

Maybe go somewhere in the middle that we're busy (actually have his DB and DSIL coming to stay - who are thankfully nothing like him) so just try and catch us.

We've been living away from where I'm from for 10 years and it was his one and only visit, we always go there. He made such a big deal about seeing his grandkids yet would only talk to them if it was something he was interested in. He got bored with where we live (live in one of most visited cities in UK outside London) so he left after only a few days. Guess I'm still annoyed.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

What HECT stated in her first paragraph.

Fortunately for you he now lives on the other side of the world and won't be spending Christmas day with you. Result!!.

Its not possible to have any sort of relationship with a narcissist anyway; he only uses you as narc supply and gets bored. They certainly do not have friends. Again its all about him in his e-mail, he has made it all about him.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

If you have never read "Children of the Self Absorbed" written by Nina W Brown do so. It could well help you.

[frazmum]

Thanks Attila - I needed that reminder. Why do we let ourselves get sucked in!!

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

Think its because such children now adults are trained by their narcissistic parents to do so.

Here's something that may make you smile:-

How many narcissists does it take to change a light bulb?
(a) Just one -- but he has to wait for the whole world to revolve around him.
(b) None at all -- he hires menials for work that's beneath him.