I have been doing a lot of introspection recently, and I think this is what I am. It's like a lightbulb just switched on, and I thought wow, that explains that, and that, and that... By the way, I'm not being arrogant and saying I'm better than everyone else. On the contrary, I worry that I'm not good enough compared to other people.
My parents divorced when I was young and I think that's what has contributed to it - not necessarily the high achievement, but the need to be a high achiever in order to feel good about myself. I did really well at school and university. Then I went on to do a PhD, and found it difficult. Not because I wasn't good at it, but because I couldn't control it. Research is naturally unpredictable, so however good my reasoning and hypotheses were, sometimes the experiments just wouldn't work and that was really stressful for me. Other things I have done in my life point towards being a high achiever too. For example, I initially planned to apply to vet school, and 50% of the reason was because I knew it was the hardest subject to get in for. And a few years ago I did a half marathon just for the challenge of it, despite being a very non-sporty person.
It's weird because I don't know who I'm trying to please with being a high achiever. At first perhaps it was my family, but I think more recently it has been myself. For example, my mum didn't necessarily thing a PhD was the best career path (she would have preferred me to have a stable job, like teaching for example), but I did it anyway, probably to prove to myself that I could.
But of course, it's not bad to be a high achiever, as long as you are doing it for the right reasons. But I'm finding it difficult now to decide why I am doing certain things. After my PhD I decided to go ahead and just do a regular job. It's a good job and I love it, but it's not highly paid or with high status. So to me and the outside world, I'm just a regular person now, not a high achiever, which has lead to me having a few wobbles about it. I've been wondering whether to switch to a different career (which also sounds really interesting), which would require more training and exams, but would be highly paid and with high status.
Are there any other high achievers out there who have had similar experiences?
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Serial high achievers
danceallnight · 15/12/2012 14:42
danceallnight I know where you are coming from. I was the hardworking good clever oldest DC and tried for Oxbridge and a demanding career (which I actually love). But for me a part time job and time for my DC and my hobbies keeps me very balanced and happy. And I think that is what my parents want for me too.
My XH is the same but part of his motivation was trying to be so good that he would keep his abusive parents happy and married (failed obviously!). He rose meteorically to the top of his field in the world and has money status and recognition. But underneath it all he has low self esteem and it is never enough. Marrying me meant I was included in the perfectionism and he made me feel (playing on my good girl tendencies) that I wasn't a good enough housekeeper or sophisticated enough or smart enough. Actually maybe I projected that into him 
I think accepting "good enough" is the answer. Now I live on my own I can have things as I want and not try to live up to an impossible colour supplement version of life!
Interesting thread though. What would you do differently if you were 18 again?
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