I really dont know why i am posting, but hope it may make things become clear to me, and hopefully you wont think i am a loon, as I am regulalrly told that I am by H, and trying to ruin his families life.
First of i am married, we have 3 children. i am a SAHM, which I love. Been with H for 12 years. H comes from a family where his F beat him regularly, as did his GF (setting the family scene). I know I should never have got involved, but unfortunately I am. I have never felt secure or particularly happy either. i come from a family who i only heard one argument in my whole childhood.
i moved in with him 6 months after meeting him (although had been out several times before a few years ago). Moving in with him so quickly, i realise, i had no choice looking back as he has the gift of the gab and could talk the birds out of the trees. He moved his previous girlfriend out the same day.
He has a drinking problem, cannot stop and does become verbally abusive to me (and others in his speech), Although drinking doesn't stop him, he can do it when sober too. He is verbally abusive to DC1, for instance told him yesterday that he ruins his life, DC is 9. Dc wanted to go to after school club. It breaks my heart.
He has smacked me round the face and punched me once (seperate occasions) which broke my tooth last year in front of middle child. Denies he done it. I shake and usually go to bed very early to avoid confrontation. He wont let me have a social life so in the last 10 years I have been out max. 10 times without him. And if i do I have to be "grateful" which I obviously hate. He is out twice a week without fail.
i want out but dont feel strong enough, whenever I bring this up, H will argue (he is very good at it) that I am doing the wrong thing and that our children will suffer as a result. He says I am selfish to want to go alone, and that i would not cope. Also that it is wrong that all fathers get a bad deal, and that he will be left alone and penniless. He is also blaming me for his age that he shouldn't be single so late in life, he is a lot older than me and only got with me in his What, so that I have to have a very miserable life and be so unhappy. i used to be so bubbly and fun, but not anymore.
Ive not slept in the same room as him for months, and he still thinks everything will be okay and I will see the errors of my ways and that i will stop being mad and insane. His usual statement to me when I say that I want out of this relationship. I dread christmas and holidays due to his drinking. He drives with the children when hes had a few drinks. It petrifies me, what can i do about this?
We live in a nice area in a big house, which is quite shabby because he wont spend any money on it, or do any work on it himself. (I dont have the money to make repairs, but do most things/decorate/etc). Just blaming and shouting at the kids saying that they shoudnt touch this, shouldnt play with this etc., and they break everything. They are just being kids. Although he always has enough for alcohol if he wants it. (He has a seperate account for his self employed wages, so i have no idea whats in there). He has only two friends and has a problem that i am friendly and can make friends easily. I hope this message doesnt come accross as a character assasination because i am not trying to do that.
Christmas is coming up and I am absolutely dreading it, with him. H will be off of work until January. I know its only two weeks but i will be counting every hour.
Now writing this I can see the red flags, even from early on. Oh i am stupid how i have given him numerous chances.
Because we own this property so my choices are limited and I physically dont know what to do. I cannot get him to move out, he wont he says and will become abusive if i make him. What do I do? I cannot rent because I have a property, which he just wont sell, and no job. i cannot go to relatives as they don't have room for all of us. I am just trapped.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
What do I do?
4wheels4 · 12/12/2012 11:46
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