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Men who don't watch porn

(1000 Posts)
FBworry Mon 10-Dec-12 19:40:59

I do not believe all men watch porn.

However I wonder why they dont with it now being the "norm"?

Was there never any interest in the first place? Has it lost its shine? Is it a for feminist reasons?

Or is it more of a case of resisting temptation? As in they do want to watch but guilt and/or morals stop them? Fear of being caught?

We live in a time when we are constantly fed the message all men watch porn so nobody ever discusses those that don't watch it.

seeker Tue 11-Dec-12 10:27:52

Yes, I do judge people who watch porn. Because I know how porn is made. And I know the damage that the objectification of women does.

BlameItOnTheChoirOfAngels Tue 11-Dec-12 10:29:30

I hgave to ask, what do you enjoy/find sexy about it?

rach6122 Tue 11-Dec-12 10:34:49

i'd prefer not to go into detail as i've seen how some of these conversations go with people on mumsnet (ruthless, attacking and clearly looking for arguments), and im nealry 39 weeks pregnant so not for now, but classifying people all under one category is extreme, i'm just shocked. i totally get why people don't want to watch it and respect that but surely everyone has a right to a choice and shouldn't be deemed to be brainless and heartless if they have a different opinion. anyway as i said i know how this might go now so i shall peacefully opt out smile

seeker Tue 11-Dec-12 10:38:35

I'm afraid you are brainless and heartless if you don't think about how porn is made, and what effect it has on the people who make it and on society at large. Which I'm surprised you don't, if, as you say, you've Ben involved onnother threads on the subject.

It's not a matter of opinion, it's a matter of fact.

BlameItOnTheChoirOfAngels Tue 11-Dec-12 10:43:06

I do agree with seeker about the moral implications of pornography. The only time I have ever watched it was as part of an abusive scenario, and I'm afraid I can't separate abuse and degradation from the porn industry. Porn is written for men.

PeppermintPasty Tue 11-Dec-12 10:43:13

My dp is another who is not interested and never has been. I think he finds it all a bit creepy. He is not particularly "political", his gut feeling just seems to be that it is somehow wrong and unpleasant, and he's another one who prefers the real thing. Poor devil, as sex is banned in our house wink

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Tue 11-Dec-12 10:50:26

I judge people who use porn too. I judge them as unimaginitive, sexually stunted and ignorant of the abusive and misogynistic nature of the industry.

Those are not irredeemable negative characteristics, however. We could all decide that we don't need porn in our lives and think a little more carefully about whether watching plastic-titted young women pretend to be in ecstacy at getting get jizzed on by 6 different men is a healthy way to enhance your own sexual pleasure.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea Tue 11-Dec-12 11:06:25

"I judge them as unimaginitive, sexually stunted..." etc.

What about a little bit of compassion for those who were exposed to it at a young age - before they could make adult, moral decisions and have been affected by it ever since?

PeppermintPasty Tue 11-Dec-12 11:07:14

The porn apologists have said before that porn is only one way they might get their kicks, so it's alright really, its use is under control by those who view it, and what's wrong with that in the comfort of your own home?

I used to take that view, or something similar, whilst not using it myself, I would shrug my shoulders at those that did. When I got older, more life experience under my belt, I could not, and still cannot, separate the titillation from the exploitation, if you like. I really do not see how anyone can ignore that part of it. Really.

I know there are people who will argue that not all porn is exploitative, and that I am missing out somehow on some liberating experiences, but even if I took that argument on board for a moment, I couldn't get over the exploitation of women point, on a general, massive(as I see it) scale. I don't know how people who use porn, and consider themselves enlightened, do that.

seeker Tue 11-Dec-12 11:09:59

"What about a little bit of compassion for those who were exposed to it at a young age - before they could make adult, moral decisions and have been affected by it ever since?"

I don't understand.....?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Tue 11-Dec-12 11:12:49

Unexpected , this isn't a thread about being exposed to sexual abuse in childhood. If it was, everybody's responses would be very different. If FB wasn't talking about an adult's free choice to use porn, she would have said so in the OP.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea Tue 11-Dec-12 11:16:10

Sorry Seeker - to explain:

Unfortunately, some children are exposed to pornography at a very young age. Either through careless people leaving material lying around, or no parental controls on TV / internet.

My understanding is that this can have a lasting effect on their use of pornography, so that by the time they are old understand the moral implications of porn, and the realities of the porn industry, they are in effect addicted to it.

I just thought that there should be some compassion shown for these adults who were affected in this way as children.

Theala Tue 11-Dec-12 11:19:11

I judge people who use porn too. I judge them as unimaginitive, sexually stunted and ignorant of the abusive and misogynistic nature of the industry.

This.

DP isn't interested in porn so doesn't watch it. My ex watched porn and I'm convinced it was part of the reason he had such a fucked-up view of relationships.

seeker Tue 11-Dec-12 11:19:45

Obviously the should be compassion shown to children exposed to inappropriate material.

But I have to say I am a bit hmm about this addiction thing.

abitcoldupnorth Tue 11-Dec-12 11:21:23

Another DP who would never look at porn, for the same sort of reasons - it's degrading, cold, nowhere close to sex with someone you love.

And yes, I feel the same way about the porn industry as I do about drugs. It's not OK to 'just do a little bit at the weekend'. It's a hugely damaging industry, on all sorts of levels.

Yarg Tue 11-Dec-12 11:25:36

My DP doesn't watch porn because he's not a sad bastard. I've never been with a man who did watch porn. I don't date sad bastards.

choceyes Tue 11-Dec-12 11:29:11

My DH has never watched porn. Not sure if it's because he has any views on it being degrading or expoitative towards women, he just doesn't find it a turn on. It's not something we've discussed at length TBH.

MadAboutHotChoc Tue 11-Dec-12 11:39:59

Unexpected - I do get what you mean. My DH was exposed to porn as a child due to his careless DF leaving it around and this is partly why in mid life, he became a heavy user of internet porn.

However, he wasn't addicted and was able to stop using it completely after doing some reading and research into the realities of the porn industry and how porn use damages one's sexuality and relationships. He does not miss it at all.

I don't think DP sees it as 'the norm' at all.

PeppermintPasty Tue 11-Dec-12 11:52:07

I don't necessarily agree about exposure to porn at a young age, simply as a result of my own experiences. My dad was an inveterate user of playboy mags at one time, what I would call old style porn (ie non internet I suppose-Duh!!). He kept it hidden away, but not that well hidden, as I regularly looked at it. Quite regularly in fact blush. I would have been about 11-14 maybe? He never knew I looked at it. That quite possibly contributed to my shrugging my shoulders at porn use as I have referred to above, but in my twenties I quickly saw it for what it was.

I am interested in the argument though. Very difficult to get reliable research on it I would have thought.

PeppermintPasty Tue 11-Dec-12 11:53:43

I suppose that did in fact make me a "user of porn" at that time. Interesting.

Shoesme Tue 11-Dec-12 12:16:54

As a man, i do not know of any other man, who i am close enough to know this information, that has not/does not watch porn. I think ladies that your partners are just telling you what you want to hear.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Tue 11-Dec-12 12:17:37

Bingo grin

seeker Tue 11-Dec-12 12:19:59

house!

PeppermintPasty Tue 11-Dec-12 12:20:12

Oh god. Well, my dp has seen porn, he doesn't live in some Disney bubble. But he doesn't use it, and I can say that quite categorically. FGS, credit us "ladies" with some bloody intelligence.

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