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Men who don't watch porn

(1000 Posts)
FBworry Mon 10-Dec-12 19:40:59

I do not believe all men watch porn.

However I wonder why they dont with it now being the "norm"?

Was there never any interest in the first place? Has it lost its shine? Is it a for feminist reasons?

Or is it more of a case of resisting temptation? As in they do want to watch but guilt and/or morals stop them? Fear of being caught?

We live in a time when we are constantly fed the message all men watch porn so nobody ever discusses those that don't watch it.

MarzipanAnimal Mon 10-Dec-12 20:24:15

DH doesn't. I think he had the odd look when he was a teenager out of curiosity. He considers it sleazy, fake, distasteful and exploitative, and would also consider it to be cheating when in a relationship.
AnyF it totally annoys me too when people say 'of course all men use porn, they just hide it'. Completely wrong, and sad that they have such a low view of humanity!

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Mon 10-Dec-12 20:26:01

Yes, MA, and they call feminists "man haters !" wink

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea Mon 10-Dec-12 20:30:57

What Pink and Marzipan said.

Men can have hang ups about sex just like women, they can be prudish, easily shocked, disgusted etc by porn.

My DH has no interest in sex outside a relationship, not from a moral perspective, just an emotional one. Was like that for years before I met him and is unlikely to change.

Meringue33 Mon 10-Dec-12 20:35:26

Is porn ALWAYS abuse btw? Even amateur events like Seattle's Humpfest?
http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Hump2012/Page

MrsWolowitz Mon 10-Dec-12 20:35:50

DH doesn't watch porn.

I didn't know why so I just asked. He said it just doesn't turn him on and he feels sorry for the people in the porn movies as he finds it exploitative.

I bloody love that man <proud>

FBworry Mon 10-Dec-12 20:53:33

"It pisses me off that on all the porn usage threads, there is always a couple of people who come on to say that women whose menfolk say they don't use porn are stupid, deluded and that they just don't get told about it"

Very true. I have found this extends to RL too. I admit in moments of weakness it has made me question DH reason for not using porn. As in , is he just resisting temptation rather than for genuine reasons.

Its hard when your constantly fed message all men watch porn, your stupid to think otherwise etc- so cheering to see so many examples of men who dont.

DorsetKnobwithJingleBellsOn Mon 10-Dec-12 20:55:31

DH is just not interested in it, never had been.

Chandon Mon 10-Dec-12 21:03:59

Maybe you should ask this at Dad's net?

What do we know?!

I know men who find porn, strippers and hookers somehow degrading for the women involved as well as for the men watching. That it is seedy and nasty.

superwhizzynewlaptop Mon 10-Dec-12 21:05:08

My DH doesn't use porn and I've just asked him why. He says he is genuinely not interested in it, would find it cringe-worthy to watch other people having sex, and would feel he was almost being unfaithful by watching it.

DH not interested in it, ex DH not interested in it, many ex boyfriends not interested in it, despite being massive wankers ;)They watched in their late teens/early twenties but then grew up.
However, I said this before on another thread and was told they were all liars.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Mon 10-Dec-12 21:13:19

Yes, Thisis, I have had it implied I am dense and having the wool pulled over my eyes. Nice, eh ?

FBworry Mon 10-Dec-12 21:16:51

Was once told here the only reason DH didnt watch porn was because we had only been married a short while, were too young and that my DH wasnt as red blooded as hers!

ChangingWoman Mon 10-Dec-12 22:05:43

None of the men I've had LTRs with have been regular porn users. Nor are my close male friends.

ExH thought the porn he'd come across was artificial and tacky. He was also put off (as I am) by the fact that the women didn't apppear to be genuinely into the sex they were performing. It was all obviously faked.

One exBF preferred computer programming to porn (or to sex which was a bigger problem, frankly).

Another ex said he just preferred sex with real live, fully-participating women to wanking.

Men are as different as women.

bubbles1231 Mon 10-Dec-12 22:08:15

Because porn is not making love. Why not have the real thing at home?

lilibet Mon 10-Dec-12 22:13:14

I showed dh the OP, his first comment was 'who says it's the norm?'.

He just never has and I'm pretty sure never will, it's not something that interests him, same as, for example, Eastenders/Emmerdale/Corrie !!

Heleninahandcart Mon 10-Dec-12 23:30:00

I'm not sure 'most' men use porn. I have know men who do, and those who don't. I have also known men who really didn't like it, and didn't want to admit it to other men. I also, shock horror, know men who have not partaken in what's on offer in lap dancing clubs, despite most of the others doing so.

I'm also pretty sure masturbation existed before today's versions of porn. Porn in some form has presumably existed since man could scratch into stone. Pompeii has erotic pictures on the walls. But right up until the internet was easily available, video porn wasn't available on demand. Men still managed to masturbate without it.

Morloth Mon 10-Dec-12 23:44:46

Yeah, have had the same said to me on threads about porn.

DH has never shown any interest, like seeker's DH he is an adult with a brain and a heart.

I have asked him straight up how he felt about porn and he told me that he just wasn't interested and found the whole thing quite sordid and worrying.

He has left parties/stag nights because of strippers etc and has quietly dropped those friends who are into it.

He isn't vehemently anti-porn, just wants no part of it personally, same as me TBH.

He is plenty red blooded - I speak from experience here. wink

Morloth Mon 10-Dec-12 23:47:02

I think I will take the word of the man who has never given me reason to doubt him in the 20 years or so I have known him, over the word of some random on the internet desperate to think that their way of life is normal, even if it is upsetting for them.

badinage Tue 11-Dec-12 00:30:16

I guess the reason why this myth is so popular on internet forums (especially of the 'I've got a problem and need your advice' kind) is that it's a place where women in troubled relationships congregate, so it gives a skewed picture of what normal, kind, honest men are like. Often those posters have been told by men (and other women married to similar men) that 'every man looks at porn'. So they post about it, get responses from posters just like their friends who suck it up and think every woman should - and so the myth gathers currency.

It's not a true reflection of men's behaviour any more than the posts about men who don't.....do housework, cook, share childcare or respect their partners. It's merely a reflection of the sort of men who make women unhappy and miserable - not most men. My husband (like me) saw porn when he was younger, but says he grew up and out of it very quickly. He says he's discussed it with male friends and they are of the same opinion. Plus they all think it's indefensible from a political and parenting standpoint.

Morloth Tue 11-Dec-12 00:49:34

That is probably right badinage, you have a bit of a self selecting group going on.

Someone posts about their DH's watching porn, so most of the respondents also have DH's who watch porn, that sets the 'normal'.

The same is true of many other relationship posts. If you don't have any problems then obviously you don't post about them.

The most irritating thing my DH does is leave plates on top of the dishwasher instead of in it, so I don't really spend much time complaining about him.

When you do mention that this is your 'normal' on some of the threads you are accused of being smug, as if the only valid post is a miserable one - so after a while you stop posting about your healthy relationship, reinforcing the idea that all relationships have the same issues.

Chandon Tue 11-Dec-12 07:25:59

I think the smugness factor comes into it.

Often do not want to appear smug, so keep quiet instead. There must be more people like that! Which then means we do not get a representive view.

Spending too much time on the relationship board might make anyone believe all men are bastards...

BadLad Tue 11-Dec-12 08:43:07

It's pixels on a screen or photos on a page, neither of which particularly turn me on. I can turn myself on much better just by closing my eyes and thinking about....

So I don't watch it, although DW has no problem with it, and in fact quite likes watching it herself.

seeker Tue 11-Dec-12 09:06:11

I think the saddest posts are the "fellow traveller" ones. You know, "Yes, he does watch porn and I watch it with him- I love it- you do't know whwt you're missing!"

rach6122 Tue 11-Dec-12 10:13:47

SEEKER!!! oh my gosh, sorry i have to ask.... me and my husband occasionally watch porn together for both our enjoyment... so he (the most amazing, kind, intelligent man i have ever met) has no brain or heart and i am sad??? judgemental much?! that's a very broad speculation. each to their own, i don't judge anyone who doesn't watch porn but you clearly judge those who do.. interesting.

oohlaalaa Tue 11-Dec-12 10:27:36

My DH doesn't. I've even checked the history on his computer, a few times. It just doesn't interest him. He's watched it when he was younger (early 20s), to see what the fuss is about, but not anymore. I think work and family take up too much time.

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