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If your ex...

(129 Posts)
Pickles77 Sat 17-Nov-12 20:33:04

Suddenly decided to tell you he wanted to try again with your 9 week old baby after he made you leave at 24 weeks pregnant to go back to your parents, and leave your job. Whilst he spent your pregnancy in bed with someone you hate, what would you do?

Especially if you had just met someone wonderful else

With no deceleration of love or anything.

I really hope you agree with the four letter phrase with the last word ending off I just directed at him

MakeItALarge Mon 19-Nov-12 20:08:11

Have a very very big wine pickles you deserve it! You must be feeling a bit smug though at finally getting to tell him to fuck off, I would!

Pickles77 Mon 19-Nov-12 20:14:14

Oh so very true smile

Viviennemary Mon 19-Nov-12 20:17:15

Do you want to try again. That's the important thing. I'd forget about what he wants for the time being. You've been through a really really difficult time. Don't rush into anything. That would be my advice.

ATourchOfInsanity Mon 19-Nov-12 20:20:52

Oh my actual god!
What a fucktard.
I let ex back a few times when pg and just before DD was born. He drank so much I had to ask him to leave the house when she was 6mo and he hasn't seen her since. Turned up unnanounced on doorstep and didn't even mention her (had a weekend bag ready to stay though hmm ) and now it looks like it has gone sour with his new g.f has suddenly decided he wants pics of his DD.
Don't get into any more mess with men like this. They never make up their mind what they want and walk over everyone else in the process.

Am being polite to him but really want someone to pull his nuts off with a rusty wrench.

Pickles77 Mon 19-Nov-12 20:31:41

In a way I do want to try again but the urge to take a axe to his bits is very very strong.
It will take a lot to make me have him back... Ever

<off to bed to dream of an axe>

Xales Mon 19-Nov-12 20:39:59

Seriously you would have to be mad.

I understand you still have feelings, they take time to disappear but...

This guy has not shown one ounce of remorse. In fact you are still in the wrong for not laying at his feet with wipe here written on you in large letters and are to blame for all his misery.

He will do this again if you go back to him.

Pickles77 Mon 19-Nov-12 20:44:43

I know He will honestly that's why I'm not going too. We deserve more

ATourchOfInsanity Mon 19-Nov-12 20:45:55

New guy sounds much more appealing smile
Give DD a better father figure if you like this new guy. Might take a while to feel you can trust again though, in my experience!

Pickles77 Mon 19-Nov-12 20:48:56

Oh yes I trust no one apart from DD --then she breaks it by throwing up--grin

ATourchOfInsanity Mon 19-Nov-12 20:54:21

Hehe! I remember smile
Try to enjoy her as much as you can. Hard when your mind is whirling, but honestly you will never get this chance again, and you must relish it. I found it really difficult as hormones want you to settle and nest and show off your bundle with someone else who appreciates her. I still struggle with that as only my dad and I in our family and it is hard feeling that only us two love her to bits... But he has to earn respect back from you to see her, but tell him all convo's have to be about her or you will not respond. I got loads of horrid msgs from ex and it is always better to ignore and not reply plus it seems to wind him up if I don't rise to him and give him more fuel to be 'mental'

Well done for being so strong, you rule.
Please take it super slow with the great new guy. I rushed into a relationship when I was a new, single mum and it wasn't one of my best choices. Your hormones will still be all over the shop too.
Hope that didn't sound patronising.

Pickles77 Mon 19-Nov-12 21:23:43

No it doesn't honestly in fact he's coming on a bit strong and is scaring me a lot so I think whilst it's done my confidence great I need to be alone for a while but I think he will understand.
--life's just one big drama--confused

BertieBotts Mon 19-Nov-12 21:29:20

I'm glad you're not taken in by the ex grin Keep it businesslike and polite if you can but hold on firmly to those boundaries.

Agree be vv cautious with new guy too. Don't be afraid to ask for some space or call it off for a while. Good luck!

Pickles77 Tue 20-Nov-12 09:23:48

Ended it with new guy. I asked for him
To back off a bit & woke up to a text telling me he loves me.
It's terrified me.
I feel so utterly rubbish and useless. That I have now gone and hurt someone. I do think maybe being alone is right.
So why feel awful

meditrina Tue 20-Nov-12 09:29:43

You feel awful because you know how painful a break up can be, but you have done the right thing in being honest with him and not keeping him dangling believing in a relationship that does not truly exist. This shows you still have your integrity.

It feels bad too because you are cutting yourself off from the comfort he offered you, and the times when new man can obliterate the pain. But it is better that you heal the wounds fully, then move on to the future much truer to yourself.

Anniegetyourgun Tue 20-Nov-12 09:40:02

I think you've done the right thing. You ask him to cool things and pretty much the first thing he does is the exact opposite. Boundaries, respect, consideration and all that. Besides, if you haven't been together all that long he stands a good chance of recovering quickly enough. It's only in a certain kind of romantic movie (which annoys the life out of me) that being pushy is a good thing and ends in the right people getting together. In real life it's quite rude and rather creepy. If it were a woman doing that to a man she'd be called a bunny boiler. Not sure what the male equivalent is, but it's not good news, whatever it's called.

(If anyone's going to pop on this thread now and tell me how their DH proposed to them on Day 1 and wouldn't stop asking until she gave in and they've now celebrated their golden wedding anniversary and it's been all bliss, I don't want to hear it, ok? And I won't believe them anyway. Even if they post photos.)

Pickles77 Tue 20-Nov-12 09:42:56

Thanks guys I deep down know I did the right thing

seaofyou Tue 20-Nov-12 09:45:35

grin @ Anniegetyourgun

ElizaBecca Tue 20-Nov-12 09:49:54

IMO he has shown his true colours at the most emotional time of what could have been your life together, ie when you were pregnant with HIS child. He blew his chances then. Big hugs x

B1ueberryS0rbet Tue 20-Nov-12 13:06:16

pickles, if he were right for you then he'd have more accurately guaged that you need is space. I was seeing a nice guy and I am lovely wink and he is lovely but the dynamic or the connection between us wasn't enough and all the wisdom I've taken on board from Annie and Math over the years, I ended it and don't regret it although I miss him if that makes sense.. And, can I say that because he was a nice man, he has not tried to make me feel I did the wrong thing. He has accepted it. He occasionally sends texts but they are supportive and caring and not demanding answers or anything like that. Hth.

Pickles77 Tue 20-Nov-12 13:11:39

Oh b1ueberry that's what he is like. Lovely and supportive as a friend but in a relationship too much.
I think he may have been alone too long, and as a lone parent like me, he does have some wise words. But I feel he wants his dreams, and he wants them now:

Also calling me 'hunnybunny' constantly lacked its cuteness after a while. But we shall stay friends and I can't think him enough for the confidence boost.

Anniegetyourgun Tue 20-Nov-12 13:14:13

Hunnybunny? shock

Congratulations on a lucky escape there grin

B1ueberryS0rbet Tue 20-Nov-12 13:30:02

grin

have a cup of tea - Boy George would brew

Pickles77 Tue 20-Nov-12 20:06:31

Because I asked ex a few questions about OW he's refusing to speak to me as I 'insist on dragging up the past' and he is so angry with me he can't speak to me.
Dd had her jabs today and is rather grouchy, has he asked. NO

Says it all really. He gets more and more unbelievable. If that was six months ago I'd have been apologising and begging for forgiveness by now he gets more and more unbelievable that it's funny now.

Was quite stressed due to grouchy DD but have lightened up now what with that and a choccy cake grin

B1ueberryS0rbet Tue 20-Nov-12 20:42:25

So instead of acknowledging that he did wrong and that that hurt you and showing remorse, he is angry that you won't stop going on about it.

You are right, it does say it all. At least you can see how your reaction to it has changed.

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