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The dreaded in-laws.

(62 Posts)
MammaWhale Thu 15-Nov-12 21:56:02

I've been with my partner 2 years now and I am not the greatest fan of his parents. We visited them a few weeks and my partner got a little drunk and told his father that I think his mother is cheap. Totally betraying the trust I had in him and now I feel like I can never go there again. We live in Swansea and they live in Kent so it isn't the easiest to go and see them because it's so expensive. Now that I don't want to go there we are not visiting after xmas when his brother is back from Canada and I feel bad because he will only go if I go with him :/ I don't know why he can't go by himself. It's his family, me not going shouldn't stop him seeing his parents and taking our daughter. Gah!!

Bobyan Thu 15-Nov-12 21:58:24

Tell him that hs's suffering the consequences of his big mouth and to suck it up.

usualsuspect3 Thu 15-Nov-12 21:58:44

Do you think his mother is cheap?

Why don't you like them?

Whocansay Thu 15-Nov-12 22:01:28

Why won't he go alone? Or is it that he just doesn't want to do the childcare alone?

Frankly, he created the problem, so he can deal with it.

MammaWhale Thu 15-Nov-12 22:04:35

Ye I think she's cheap. She's barely bought anything for our daughter in the last few years and if she has it's been from a charity shop. I might be being a bit snobbish but I am not a fan of this second hand fad.
I don't like them because they are, no offence to anyone .... bible bashers. Anything that's wrong with this world is because the gays or blacks. Last time we were there they told me they believed that torettes and other mental illnesses were caused by demons. Sorry I live in the real world where mental illnesses may be genetics or chemical imbalances (I studied psychology and counselling for 3 years). I think it's just a clash of a few strong beliefs and personalities.

usualsuspect3 Thu 15-Nov-12 22:11:22

I expect they will be glad if you don't go.

usualsuspect3 Thu 15-Nov-12 22:15:52

If you think someone is cheap because they buy things from charity shops, it doesn't make you a very nice person either.

MammaWhale Thu 15-Nov-12 22:16:59

because I don't agree with their beliefs or because I think his mother is cheap? I have never been rude to them but there is only so much closed mindedness one can take.

MammaWhale Thu 15-Nov-12 22:18:45

Oh my gosh just clothes, really. Not antiques. Maybe I am being a snob and I'll just suck it up. Sorry for asking a question which was mostly about my partners big mouth.

OpheliaPayneAgain Thu 15-Nov-12 22:29:41

YOU told your partner HIS mother is cheap? OMG. How he didn't leave you on the spot I don't know. YOU, lady, have no class or breeding.

I totally agree with Ophelia - you sound absolutely ghastly to be honest. No matter if you agree with their beliefs or not (what beliefs anyway?) OR if you think his mother is cheap (how rude of you though!) you'd do best to learn to keep your gob shut and just be polite. It's easy - anyone can do it and it'll save you from yourself.

MammaWhale Thu 15-Nov-12 22:32:10

Wow okay. I'll never ask for opinions on here again.

Oh right - I see the 'beliefs'. Unacceptable but you could counter politely with reasoned argument couldn't you?

Do you think you can find somewhere else where they'll only give you the kind of opinions you want to hear then?

PickledFanjoCat Thu 15-Nov-12 22:35:19

Charity shop stuff - you are being a big horrible.

Demonic nonsense - you are not.

PickledFanjoCat Thu 15-Nov-12 22:35:40

A bit horrible!

MammaWhale Thu 15-Nov-12 22:36:29

No I couldn't. It's all everyone wrong has a demon and if you don't believe you are going to hell (which by the way my partner told me). So yeah rocking to the gates of hell being ghastly for confiding in my partner about how I feel about his parents. I am polite to them. I sit around while his grandmother says "I want to watch telly cause you're all watching the baby" or "she's just a baby (she's 13 months old, walking and babbling) just doesn't do anything interesting"
So sorry for reaching out to someone.

usualsuspect3 Thu 15-Nov-12 22:37:19

Of course their views are not acceptable, but your views on charity shop shopping are not acceptable either.

Wow okay. I'll never ask for opinions on here again.

Or you could actually take on board the opinions?

cloudpuff Thu 15-Nov-12 22:38:27

If you had said your partner told his father you think his mum is a bigot based on her views then you may have more sympathy, but to say his mum his cheap because she doesn't buy your child enough gifts or the ones she does buy are from charity shops is a bit off, and you also complain about the expensive cost of going to visit them, she may think you're cheap.

Your partner should go on his own

Well you call it confiding in your DP about his parents but really, you were just being mean about them. To their son.

Interesting how your original problem was that she's cheap and not that she's a racist homophobe...in fact that only came up when you weren't getting shouts of agreement...

MammaWhale Thu 15-Nov-12 22:42:02

Hmmm this has totally gotten out of hand and it's the wrong thing has been focused on. I don't want my partner to miss out on seeing his family because I don't want to go there. It's not about being cheap it's about my partner and daughter missing out on seeing his parents/her grandparents because he can't go alone.

PickledFanjoCat Thu 15-Nov-12 22:45:12

Well if dd is only young this could rage on for years.

Could you not try and smooth this over?

Sorry I called you cheap.
Please don't say racist things it upsets me type if thing?

EdithWeston Thu 15-Nov-12 22:47:14

He's a grown up. Of course he can go alone.

But if he interprets this stand off as you forcing a choice between you or his family, which will he go for?

MammaWhale Thu 15-Nov-12 22:49:11

Me and my partner have already asked them that but it hasn't changed. I don't want my daughter growing up thinking being gay or a different race is wrong. It's so far fetched sometimes, they even believe in witchcraft and that it's the work of the devil so watching Derren Brown in their presence is out of the question.

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