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help! ex may try to abduct DD this w.e.

(41 Posts)
yummymommy1 Tue 13-Nov-12 23:48:47

hi mummies. we are known to some of you. im at my mums , in order to stay away from persistent and bullying ex, who beleives its his right to 1. have full access to my flat still and 2. the right to see his DD whenever he wants and now 3. the right to benefits and have her live with him.

He's a big guy , strong, fearless, and inflamed by having been through this with his ex wife too about 10 years ago and has a drink and mental health issue. im waiting for income proof to gain full access to legal aid, in next 2-3 days , . the solicitor will be writing him a warning letter re; harrasment..but im not sure if he will get it before this weekend. i wished i had moved faster on this stuff!

the police warned me to apply for a residency order, but she says its ok to allow contact as im the primary carer , and i can get a court order should he not return her. however i dont agree, i dont want it to get to that as it would be traumatic for me and Dd as she is only 2.5 and still BF . advise please ! am panicking and thinking of going into hiding somewhere else as my dozy mums too switched off and self absorbed to be on the ball about this stuff.

NicknameTaken Wed 14-Nov-12 10:27:42

Yeah, it's really not the time to be chatting on PoF.

You don't have to hand her over this weekend. Send him a letter saying that you'll make DD available through a contact centre. It won't do you much good, but keep a copy - shows you're willing to allow safe contact. And prioritize the legal stuff. If you're not happy with the solicitor, try looking around for others. Many offer a free 30 min appointment - if you can talk to a few, you'll get a good sense of who is on the ball.

My ex did claim child benefit and tax credits for DD, when I was the residential parent, and each time it took 6 months to sort out. A pain in the backside, but it does get sorted out in the end. Don't panic (and don't try to stay awake all weekend, as earlier advised - it won't help your judgement). You can do this, but you need to keep your head, get good legal advice, and follow it faithfully.

seaofyou Wed 14-Nov-12 12:59:26

Nickname I meant stay awake at night if Yummy has to stay as he could strike...it's only one weekend. She can sleep when light when people around in street in daytime and ex is less likely to strike and also depends on what type of stuff he did to other ex's too will see similar pattern!
If's it's i.e risk of arson or breaking in is one of the behaviours these are usually done at night time when no witnesses to see and people asleep inside house. From my experience most of the attacks were late evening or night time a few in the day too but mainly at night after being spotted several times in day time sitting in car round the corner...that another thing you could ask someone to check for (who your ex does not know and wont drive off and car reg taken and phone police if spotted).

HissyByName Wed 14-Nov-12 13:29:55

Sorry, but WTF? You're on POF while there's a chance your DD will be taken by your abusive Ex?

Priorities woman!

I would also ask what work you have done to reduce the risk of falling for the same kind of guy as your ex? Have you done the Freedom Programme?

If not, do that first, before trawling the bilge that is POF.

Get on the phone and get the protection your DD needs, write to the twat to tell him that due to his threats that you'll not be allowing contact until adequate protection is put in place.

Then make sure that you and she are as safe as houses. Call the police for advice too.

Lemonylemon Wed 14-Nov-12 13:35:25

OP: Your "solicitor" is a trainee. She will not be able to take any steps on her own. She needs the advice & permission of her superior/law firm partner. If this is as urgent as you say, you need to speak to the solicitor supervising your trainee.

Stop with the PoF and get some action going with the solicitor, Women's Aid, the Police DV unit etc. etc. etc.

izzyizin Wed 14-Nov-12 13:59:41

A trainee solicitor will be as much use a chocolate teapot; in this situation you need an experienced rottweiler practitioner who is well versed in applying for ex parte injunctions and in justifying and maintaining the need for any such Orders at a later date.

Locate your local Women's Aid offices here www.womensaid.org.uk and seek recommendations for solicitors who have the expertise to put the necessary measures in place.

Don't use your mum being 'switched off' and you being switched on to some guy on POF to excuse your failure to protect your dd; her welfare and welbeing is solely down to YOU and you're long overdue in getting off your bum and getting this show on the road.

izzyizin Wed 14-Nov-12 14:00:18
seaofyou Wed 14-Nov-12 15:46:14

You should really think about going into Woman's Aid refuge Yummy as your ex sounds dangerous? You could be putting your mother's life at risk too? Press the WA link Izzy did.

If you went into refuge you could write to ex to say I am no longer at my mum's and my solicitor will be in contact in due course about supervised access!

It is up to you re dating but it would have been the last thing on my mind when ds and I were being targeted.

cestlavielife Wed 14-Nov-12 16:30:17

sure the guy on on POf has done all this - one way to get you onside with him right? what do you know of him? zilch -any more than you know people on here - so get proper advice and help

not the time to be dating really is it?

get proper solicitor advice. and dont hand your dd over if her eis no contact oder dont do it - wait toil contact properly sorted at a contact centre initially.

BerylStreep Wed 14-Nov-12 18:29:41

what is POF?

izzyizin Wed 14-Nov-12 18:40:29

POF = Plenty of Fish which is a dating site not known for providing reliable legal advice, Beryl.

Op, how do you know its not your ex you're talking to on POF? Keep your cards close.

yummymommy1 Wed 14-Nov-12 19:27:22

yes..am seeing solicitor tomorrow, thanx :-)

izzyizin Wed 14-Nov-12 19:31:45

Would that be a solicitor who has considerable experience in the field of family law or a follow up appointment with the trainee you've already consulted?

NicknameTaken Thu 15-Nov-12 11:03:17

seaofyou, I totally take your point about attacks happening at night, and if arson is a likelihood, it makes sense to stay alert then. From what you've said of your ex, that sounded like a very necessary strategy for you. I don't get the same impression here, and I think it's an important for her to keep a cool head. Proper sleep does help.

seaofyou Thu 15-Nov-12 13:09:38

That's ok Nickname I just assume from experience that ex is the starting point of dangerous and well he could try and get in at night and take his dd whilst asleep...OTT possibly! But that's my PTSD from my lovely experiences over the years from my twunt of an ex!

seaofyou Thu 15-Nov-12 13:27:15

OP have you seen a solicitor fully trained in Family Law yet? Please do it's Friday tomorrow. You are lucky at least ex is warning you when it is....so you can be as far away as possible. Oh do not go out alone or with dd alone. Get an attack alarm on your key ring. Look out for ex car or suspicious cars parked up.
Come back over weekend and let us know you are ok?

Queenie grin

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