Fed up & lonely

[Welshgirl72]

I'll start from the beginning so apologies if its long winded. Been with dh for over 15 years 2 children under 2 years (were both early 40's) Until a month ago dh was working earning very good money and decided he no longer enjoyed his line of work and wanted to leave. I supported him with this decision as I could see it was making him ill. I'm on maternity leave (no pay extended leave) still and therefore the only income this month will be his last salary and child benefit. I asked him how we we're going to pay the mortgage and he said he will use our savings until he finds a job. My dh is severely over weight and I no longer feel attracted to him, he snores so loudly I can't sleep at night (weight related) and on my first birthday as a mummy last year he told me the night before he needed to get me a card & present and could I go with him....??? This really upset me as I could see he wasn't bothered and didn't want to make effort.

I believe we have fallen out of love with each other although he always tells me he loves me. Our sex life is non existent and he puts this down to his weight ( approx 22 stone). He never tells me I look nice, he's always on his computer and just recently he's lost all his drive for anything. He is amazing with the children and adores them so much.

I feel so fed up & lonely in the relationship and really don't know what to do. I know having children can put a strain on a relationship but he was like this before we met.

[Blobbybobs]

I feel for you so much and the lack of sleep can drive you nuts. It sounds as though you feel he's basically making no effort. Is he depressed? It might be worth you both seeing your GP. Relate might be another option, but sadly it impossible to change someone, they need to do it for themselves. I hope it gets better.

[Welshgirl72]

Thanks blobbybobs I did think he was depressed it runs in his family, hs mum sufferes with depression. Your right I can't change him, I care about him dealy just not in love with him anymore.

[Blobbybobs]

It's unsurprising that you feel that way, it seems as though the person you loved is either temporarily or permanently absent. Please do see your GP, real life support is essential. Well done for being brave enough to write it all down. Maybe you could take your opening post to the GP with you so that everything is discussed. I always get flustered in those situations. Very best of luck.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Who walks out on a job and leaves his family without any income just because he's not enjoying it? If he's depressed, he has to get some medical help.

[gloomywinters2]

i hope he get,s some help it sounds like he,s just given up. it,s terrible that he,s left he,s job coulden,t he have just taken time of he,s work place would have understood he needs to see the gp.

[drizzlecake]

He is amazing with the children and adores them so much

So he gets up every night, sees to them. Much prefers time with DCs to time with the computer? Or is he as switched off with DCs as he is with you and his job.

He could be SAHD and you go to work.

I would say he would benefit from counselling (which might take some time). Why the weight gain? He seems to have lost his way (although you say he is wonder Dad which is confusing) but that is not on when you have big responsibilities.

A chat with GP, mayb with you present might be a start and a kick up the arse

[Offred]

Ok so he was getting ill because of his job and so he quit it and he is still ill? I agree he needs some medical help.

However, you can't organise his life and his feelings. It is worrying that you say you have fallen out of love with him and it has been that way for a long time. The only question really to ask about that is why prolong the agony? You have a choice; commit to working on the relationship with a view to regaining your feelings but remembering you need to know when to give up if nothing changes or leave and stop flogging a dead horse.