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OMG ex got her pregnant

(19 Posts)
bepositive1989 Tue 09-Oct-12 18:34:25

I am in complete shock. Ex and I split in Feb, he got with someone new very quick (I believe he cheated). They were together for about 6 months, she dumped him.

He got back in touch with me once they split (he's sent the odd text whilst they were together but this one asking to meet), we both have ds' (not to one another) who are close and he asked if we could meet as his ds missed mine. I agreed. Since then, we have been meeting regularly, including on his birthday and his ds' birthday. He mentioned getting back together a few times, I said no as I wasn't going to just be the one he came back to. Nevertheless, I was starting to get feelings for him again.

I have just found out his ex has gone on maternity leave?!?!?!?! I text him congratulating him, he said "???" I told him I knew then he said she isn't allowing him to see the baby so didn't mention it. I'm in complete shock- she is about to give birth!! I have been so stupid allowing my ds to play with his- messing with both their heads!

But now, he's asking if I'm still ok for our plans tomorrow. I of course do not want to go, but I don't want him to know I hurt/shocked/angry. What do I say?! I am shaking.

bepositive1989 Tue 09-Oct-12 18:41:04

If I say no it will look like I have been meeting him with an expectation to something happening- I don't want to give him the satisfaction :s

izzyizin Tue 09-Oct-12 18:51:52

Just say something's come up and you can't make it tomorrow and will get back to him to set another date.

You now know that splitting from this dick led twat in February was the right decision and that any 'feelings' you've been entertaining for him recently were misplaced.

Your mantra is 'an ex is an ex for a reason'. Chant repeatedly until you can face him without wanting to choke the deceitful twat truth out of him.

DragonMamma Tue 09-Oct-12 18:54:38

I would meet with him tomorrow and then be busy after that...

bepositive1989 Tue 09-Oct-12 18:56:27

Ahh I replied saying I wasn't feeling well (I ad mentioned earlier I didn't feel well). But I'd stopped putting kisses to which he replied "no kisses anymore?!"

Omg I feel sick. I have never been so shocked in my life.

lowercase Tue 09-Oct-12 19:02:18

why wouldnt you want him to know you are shocked, hurt and angry?
sounds like he has messed you around to put it mildly...
just tell him to sling his hook, and not to contact you any more.
you dont need to justify it.

JustFabulous Tue 09-Oct-12 19:08:08

Are you prepared to see him for years to come and then facilitate his son meeting yours until they are old enough to arrange it themselves? If no, cut contact now imo.

bepositive1989 Tue 09-Oct-12 19:09:31

I don't want him to know he's had a affect on me. He's now actually trying to cry on my shoulder, all "she trapped me" and "she doesn't want to know me now" and "I just want to disappear". I can't stop shaking. She's about to bloody give birth!!!

lowercase Tue 09-Oct-12 19:15:46

tell him you think he has behaved apallingly and dont want to be friends, then ignore.

finished!

Northernlurkerisbehindyouboo Tue 09-Oct-12 19:26:18

She 'trapped' him? What a cow. There he was wanting to shag around fecklessly and she had to go and snaffle his careless sperm emission to fall pregnant. Your poor ex <<overloaded sarcasm emoticon>>

hmm Unbelievable. I bet she's had a brilliant time being pregnant and now giving birth alone whilst he whines his way through life. <<shakes head>> Look Op - go with your gut, Your gut got you away from this man and it's telling you now to do several miles in the opposite direction right? Listen to it and thank heaven you weren't daft enough to let him back in your bed because that is what he's angling for you know.

DameFannyGallopsAtaGhost Tue 09-Oct-12 19:31:08

Hang on a minute though - he left because he was unfaithful, got kicked out by the other woman and started sniffing around you again.

Nothing's actually changed here - the pregnancy wasn't a factor in any of the above.

What has changed, is that the pregnancy has reminded you that he cheated on you. Which is a bit of a cold shower, but not actually anything new.

So you could just say that learning about the pregnancy has reminded you of why you didn't want to get involved again, and that maybe you can meet as friends, for the sake of the boys, in a few weeks time, but that for now you need a bit of a break?

Offred Tue 09-Oct-12 19:38:19

I think you should tell him exactly how you feel and why you don't want him to contact you again. That you feel shocked and upset and hurt to discover that he has been manipulating you and each of your dc's feelings for so long and that excuses are no good now. There's no shame in feeling how you do when someone treats you as badly as that and I'm not sure why you should let him off the consequences of his actions. I wouldn't believe his bleating about being trapped etc

SeveredEdMcDunnough Tue 09-Oct-12 19:42:20

Being pregnant alone is really shit.

Thee is no way she would have chosen this if he was decent to her.

What a cunt he sounds.

I would tell him you no longer want to keep in touch as you can't believe he's left someone in that situation, it doesn't sit right with you and you have enough baggage of your own without his on top of it.

SeveredEdMcDunnough Tue 09-Oct-12 19:42:49

Actually I'd probably just avoid him and make excuses. I'm not that brave.

NovackNGood Tue 09-Oct-12 19:52:16

if you do you not want your son to meet his new brother or sister then just cut off contact with him. No need to give him a reason at all.

bepositive1989 Tue 09-Oct-12 20:17:06

My ds isn't his ds, we each have a ds to ex partner's. I completely agree SeveredEdMcDunnough. I was pregnant and alone so I completely feel for his ex and wonder what the hell he's done. When I was with him, he told me if I'd gotten pregnant he'd be angry and insist on an abortion as he cannot afford a 2nd dc!! However I know he's trying to win her back so god knows, I'm so confused. And shocked! Time for me to back well away I know, I'm just so shocked :s

MushroomSoup Tue 09-Oct-12 22:20:41

You split in Feb and she is about to give birth in October? I'd say you are right about the affair then. Which means he is a twunt of the highest order. Don't see him. He's a nob.

olgaga Tue 09-Oct-12 22:32:10

Don't see him again, ever. You and your son don't need that kind of aggravation. Just blank him from now on.

janelikesjam Tue 09-Oct-12 22:32:45

"Tell him you think he has behaved apallingly and dont want to be friends, then ignore.

finished!"

^ This. Keep life joyful and simple.

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