Short version. Mother is borderline NPD imo. When I heard that term and researched it my whole relationship with her fell into place. I spent my 20s rebelling and my 30s trying to make a decent relationship but of course she never listens, accepts resoonsibility or recognises or cares about her passive aggressive behaviour and manipulation. Anyway now in my 40s and I 'manage' my relationship with her. Keep her at a distance and keep things shallow. No talk of feelings, sharing etc. it works for me.
Parents live 200 mls away. They visit once a month to see my kids who are 3 and 7. DM is obsessed with them, more than I would expect for a normal grandmother but that is her style. She showers them with gifts, too many and I am uncomfortable with. Her get out is 'this is what grandmas do'. 'We are allowed to spoil our GCs'.
They visited this weekend and as usual brought a shed load of stuff. I had already asked them to tone it down to no avail. Most annoying DD had asked her to bring a doll but I said no as she had tons already that she never plays with. DM had initially agreed with me. But lo and behold she brought the doll and sweets which I am trying to get them to cut down on and she knows this. Also later I hear DD asking for something else and DM says'yes I will buy you it. it is nanna's job to spoil you and get you stuff you mum won't'. She said this when she thiught I was out of earshot.
I am bloody furious. I don't want my children to be so spoilt and I don't like my mother to ignore what I ask. However if I raise this I will be accused of spoilong her rleationship with the kids, being a killjoy. She only sees them once a month blah blah blah.
Any advice? Bear in mind she is not a straightforward woman who will deal maturely and sensibly like an adult with me.
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Any suggestions how I can deal with DM? Sorry long.
21 replies
nellyjelly · 08/10/2012 08:15
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