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My wife affair ? Or I need to stop being paranoid

(34 Posts)
Jamieaffair Sun 30-Sep-12 09:37:01

Hi there, happily married for over 10 yrs with 2 children. I have this gut feeling that my wife is or has had an affair with one of two people. I did mention it 3 or 4 yrs ago and she was defensive etc which I would expect as I would be the same. Now the daft tells smile
1) when he was talking to us about nice trip with his wife she wasn't,t smiling and laughing with the story but genuinely appeared angry/upset
2) came back with his phone number in her pocket when we 1st moved to the area allegedly for me ?
3) she has asked if he was there on trips to the local pub and not about anyone of the other 8 or 9 who visit the pub with me, this has happened on 4 or 5 occasions
4) once some flirty dancing aimed towards him at a party
5) she now likes a style of clothing he wears and wants me to purchase !!

Honest answers appreciated as it is eating me away and want to know the truth, advice as I work hard at making her happy but know someone whose wife left them for another man and he never suspected anything !

BessieMcBean Mon 15-Oct-12 23:41:41

out of the blue I get a text message from an old work friend saying he just saw my wife in the car near a certain area and hows things

Tha's the suspicious bit. I mean do you usually get txts at regular intervals through the day when aquaintances spot your wife/mother/dcs in and around the area?

Was the old work friend texting you anyway and happened to spot your wife. If not I would quiz old work friend to ask if she was alone.

Def seems suspect. You could check the mileage on the car regularly but if you keep asking where she has been she will be suspect.

The retort about have you got anything to tell her sounds a bit pre rehearsed to me.

Doha Mon 15-Oct-12 23:47:01

agree with Yoga
She is delecting the question. Red flags here.
What she is doing l don't know but doesn't sound innocent.
Could your friend have seen her with someone hence the text. Do you know this person well enough to ask if your wie was alone in said car park?

straighttohellymelly Mon 15-Oct-12 23:47:50

Hmm, well the not telling you where she had been is odd, and would really worry me if it was my DH. The only thing that would negate that would be if you tend to question her a lot about her activities, maybe she feels paranoid that you will jump to the wrong conclusion? What did you feel when you asked her and she denied it? I think you have enough alarm bells to keep snooping, but not enough to say that something is definitely going on. I hope it isn't btw.
Could you do what is usually advised here, e.g check her 'phone, or her email?
I hate snoopy behaviour and have never done that with my DH but I suppose if I strongly suspected something I might.

ProphetOfDoom Mon 15-Oct-12 23:53:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dondon33 Tue 16-Oct-12 14:09:57

Meet up with your friend and ask him outright if she was with someone else.
I find it strange that he would just call to say he'd seen your wife.....it's possible he wants to alert you to something.

Her trying to turn the accusation back onto you = red flag I'm afraid.

AgathaFusty Tue 16-Oct-12 14:42:44

I think your work friend was trying to warn you too. Call him and ask outright. You will only worry about it until you do.

blueshoes Tue 16-Oct-12 15:09:34

Jamieaffair: "hello again, well not snooping as yet but out of the blue I get a text message from an old work friend saying he just saw my wife in the car near a certain area and hows things."

Seems a bit strange 1. to get a text out of the blue 2. immediately or very close to the time your friend saw your wife in a car (if this was your wife jogging of your friend's memory because long time no see, what is the urgency to text right away) 3. giving the location of your wife (why is this necessary?) and 4. asking 'how's things' ...

Seems like your friends knows more than he is letting on. He might have answers...

Jamieaffair Thu 18-Oct-12 00:44:44

Hi again, the friend just texted to see how I was doing as seeing my wife had reminded him of me and to get in touch as we only meet up every year or so for a beer and as he doesn't have kids we don't cross paths very often. Very worried about the turning it on me trick , have asked who the wife was with but she was on her own heading towards the said shopping area in her car confirmed by my friend that is. Without catching her in the act if anything is going on I am snookered as email is a no go as we have a shared server thing and texts I did have a quick look but again she wouldn't be daft enough to leave them on etc. if anything is going on she is going to be super careful now I have raised the questions, but its still eating away at me , really not in a great place sad hey ho.

dondon33 Thu 18-Oct-12 08:04:28

Sorry Jamie confused
It's obviously up to you whether to stay, with doubts, or leave due to lack of trust.
You're right, now she knows your instincts are alerted IF anything is going on, she'll now be careful. Don't try to extinguish your fears but at the same time don't allow them to eat away at you, keep your ears and eyes open, cheaters trip over their own lies eventually.
Good luck, I hope everything works out for you. x

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