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Alcoholism: How to support friend

6 replies

oopsadaisymaisy · 25/09/2012 20:15

who's having an affair with an alcoholic. I'm a regular but namechanged for continued confidentiality. My lovely friend has been having an affair with an alcoholic. She's split from her husband now and says she's in love with this new man. He sounds a complete wreck and she's trying to make sense of it all. I want to support her and have told her I think it's a disaster waiting to happen. Have I done the right thing? I can't imagine starting a new relationship where the new partner is an alcoholic can be a good thing? Advice would be great?

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tribpot · 25/09/2012 20:22

One word: Rescuer.

I think she's convinced herself that she can be 'the one' to turn this guy around. She can't. Never mind whether she loves him. If he loves her he'll either try and sort himself out or cut her off. But I bet you he won't do either of those two things.

I don't think you can support her. Other than by suggesting Al Anon to her. She also is the only one who has the power to rescue herself from this situation.

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oopsadaisymaisy · 25/09/2012 20:28

tribpot, I know you're right. I was very honest with her about my thoughts and she was ok about it. I've always thought of her as a rescuer but I don't know how to get her to realise this. I hope she'll finish it. It's only a couple of months in and already she's in deep and he sounds like a nightmare.

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Llareggub · 25/09/2012 20:34

I hope she isn't seeing my ex-husband. That way madness lies. She will regret it and she won't change him. Note: this applies to all alcoholics, not just my ex.

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oopsadaisymaisy · 25/09/2012 20:52

Llareggub..... I suspect madness lies ahead - yessum, I surely do!!!

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tribpot · 25/09/2012 21:00

Yes, I'm afraid she may have years ahead of her of being reeled in to the drama and the recriminations and how only she can possibly understand what he is going through.

I think this will be very tough for you, OP. I've recommended this book on here before; I wonder if it's worth you having a copy for your own benefit and so that you can put it right in front of her face if the moment is ever right?

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oopsadaisymaisy · 25/09/2012 21:16

Thanks tribpot. She got involved with him knowing he's an alcoholic. I think it's madness. I'll just be there for her if she needs me. She's left her husband for him. Crazy.