My story please read

[jean84]

Hi everyone,



Few months ago I posted a thread regarding my situation, but for those who haven?t read it I will go over the details. Four years my boyfriend and father of our two children confessed to a one night stand. The confession came as a complete shock despite in many ways our relationship being almost dead (the night he had the one night stand I had kicked him out after a row). Through his tears I felt his pain and regret and knew it was the first and last time he would do anything like this. Something clicked in me and I decided that I wanted to save our relationship, I loved him and had just been bogged down with young children, work, uni ect. We decided to give everything to our relationship.



However, two days later after his confession the girl from his one night stand (they worked for same company but not same site) rang him and told him she was pregnant. He immediately rang me to tell me she was pregnant but said it wasn?t his. I found out though it was and again we talked and decided we wanted to work it out. The baby was born and my partner took a DNA test. The baby was his! He wrote a letter asking could he be part of the baby?s life?.mum refused. A year later he knocked and again asked to be involved again (for her own valid reasons) mum decided she wanted to bring this baby up without any help from my partner. We buried our heads in the sand and ploughed on, splitting up for nearly a year. Now four years later I hit a brick wall and demanded to now stuff he had denied or lied about. Had he wore a condom? Had he been for an STI test? Does he ever think about the baby? Suddenly the whole truth flooded out between me threatening to walk if everything wasn?t revealed.



He confessed no condom was worn but morning after pill was bought for girl. He confessed he had never been for an STD test. He said he often things of baby but doesn?t say as not to upset me. He told me that he had lied about these things because it was hard confessing to the one night stand and didn?t want to risk our relationship any further with the details. He confessed he had lied to his one night stand so she would keep away from our family. Again (I have known him since I was 11) I could see and to a little extent understand why he had lied although was still incredibly angry AGAIN! Immediately we booked ourselves in to a counselling session (luckily one was available the very next day). With the help of the counsellor we talked about why the one night stand had happened. We examined how his lies make me feel and how he is not protecting me or our relationship by hiding the details from me. We discussed what we both need to do in the future to make our relationship work. We talked about how burying his head in the sand will not make problems go away, he needs to be a man a face what he did despite his guilt and shame. I told him I want to hear how he feels about his son and not seeing him, I WANT TO HELP!



The counsellor to our joy said despite what we have been through she honestly believes the majority of couples don?t have what we have. She said to me to think long and hard before walking away as I would be walking away from an awful lot. She told my BF that lying to me isn?t protecting me, I have proved I can handle the worst so don?t spare me from the smaller details. We agreed my partner would start writing birthday cards and keeping them in a box along with other letters ect for his son and set up a savings account for him. We both came out of the counselling session feeling for the first time in 4 years ready to move on. Although neither of us can or would ever forget we need to look to our future. We will continue with counselling, we love each other dearly, we will never ever let ourselves get back in the rut and we promise with all we have to always be honest despite the consequences.



Honestly, he makes me feel loved. I believe with all my heart he will never cheat, lie or hurt me again. If despite everything we have been through, he will choose to jeopardise our relationship and family again he is not the man I thought he was. Let?s hope love does conquer all!



Sorry to go on but feel need to share everything to get a true picture of what you guys feel!

[MushroomSoup]

Just found this and read it through. Wishing you luck, love and happiness.

[DeckSwabber]

Good luck. Your sound very brave and generous. I hope it works out for you.

[jean84]

Thank you for your kind words! x

[Concentrateonthegood]

What a lesson in humility, understanding, forgiveness and fortitude this is. You sound like a good 'un as you have made a place for his child in your future and enabled him to acknowledge the baby's existence. He is very lucky to have you and I wish you both all the best for your future.

[Shellywelly1973]

Hes a lucky man.

Very best wishes to you both for the future.

[lazarusb]

I think you are very brave and I couldn't do what you have done. I hope one day his son will get to read those cards and letters too. I wish you all the best for your future together and hope your husband cherishes every day he has with you. He is a very, very lucky man.