help

[xmasevebundle]

right here i go. i was with my first love for 8 months i feel pregnant in march '12 we didnt have the best relationship but we lived together and even got a dog together. when i told him i was pregnant he told me this... abort it this week!! we have no where to live, if you keep the baby we will end up breaking up, we cant afford it. he moved back to his nans so we could get our own place. Since this all im now currently 19+4. Hes spent 130 on the baby, promised me everything and ive just the sh*t on his shoe. he didnt come to the first scan because i dumped him. i new he didnt want to be with me just didnt have the balls to say it. hes threatend to take full custody even said his friend (his new gf i think) will push my babys pram, his mums threatens to stab the baby out my womb (shes seriously mentally ill, been in and out of mental homes). i last spoke to him when we had a another row over him paying stuff. . he earns over 30k a year and is 25. im 19 and a hairdresser i left the job due to my pregnancy. he is now denying the baby and wants a DNA, it does sound im still deeply in love with him but i really do hate him so much i think i seen him i would kill him thats not even a joke. hes told NONE of his family. hes being a coward and ive hardly got no friends because i turned my back on them yeah i no big mistake :( I have one friend who has a bf so i try left her have her space. i have full support of my mum dad and 4 brothers( all older and not one bit impressed) he will have to pay for a dna and when it comes back his who will a idoit. Ive tried to reason with him many times it just seems he wants to take control of me again was like that in the relationship i just didnt see it. he dont want to be involed in the childs life because of me? i went mad and said your an evil man, taking it out on your own child its shameful. i am happy but not with all the stress of it, im due xmas eve and have my 20w scan on tuesday. I think it will set in then a son or daughter now its just a little devil who keeps mummy awake at night kicking. I do want the best for my child but how much can a human take? i would love any advice or anyone been in the same situation xxxx

[xmasevebundle]

...

[xmasevebundle]

this is his first child and mine..

[bushymcbush]

Blimey, he sounds like a right charmer.

You're well out of that relationship. If I were you I'd steer clear of him and his family as much as possible. Thank goodness your own family are so supportive.

Only communicate with this man over necessary practical matters (legal stuff like splitting up your joint assets and access rights if he asks for them) preferably by email. Remain polite and reasonable at all times and don't delete any of his or your emails. Do not engage with him otherwise and do not be drawn into arguments. Do not engage with any of his family either.

If he really starts to cause bother, consider getting advice from a family solicitor - many offer a free half hour initial consultation.

If his mother threatens you again, call the police without hesitation.

Keep notes / a track of every bit of communication with him and his family just in case you need them as evidence at a later date.

Concentrate on looking after yourself and your baby now.

By the way - what was the sense in giving up your job? How do you plan to support yourself as a single parent?

[xmasevebundle]

i did message him over facebook. he told me he recoreded calls which i broke his hopes and told him you cant do that without my permission. he dont want to see the child and thats fine by me. if he did want to he would have to take me to court hes been nothin but a little wank*r towards me. who would treat flesh and blood like this. i asked him over email do you want contact he said no i will only be there bar the money... going to set up some account and when its 18 they can have it i mean the child wont even no him.. i will tell the child. He nos a dna will take more time hes doing it to spite his child. i gave my job up my stomach muscles parted really bad and i cant lift hardly anything i gave up 3 weeks ago and i had savings from doing it so soon as i had the baby and settled down my job is still there. thank you for the reply xxx

[MyDaydream]

He really sounds like a pathetic little boy, he really shouldn't be treating you in this way. If he wants nothing to do with the baby then you don't need to be getting in touch with him, block him out for your own sake. As bushy says keep a record of all contact you've had with him, and if you really do need to be in touch keep it to email. If he phones you, sees you in the street make a note of what's been said. Keep anything you say to him factual and unemotional, ignore anything insulting and don't rise to him. If your being threatened then that's serious and something you'd need to go to the police over it. But he's said his piece, wants nothing to do with the baby and wants a DNA to prove it's his, that's fine, the CSA can arrange that once baby is here. If he's controlling and abusive your well shot anyway.
For now though its all about you and baby, you've got your mum to confide in, and the support of your brothers, who if they're anything like my DP will do anything for their sister, especially when she's having such a hard time. Thrive off that support, call your friend and invite her round, she'll have time for coffee, cake and a chat or a girly night in. And see what's going on in your local area for pregnant ladies, see if your pool do aqua natal classes or try and find a pregnancy yoga class, once baby is here you can look into baby groups to meet more people.
Your really not alone, there's another user on here who posted a similar story a while ago, hopefully she'll see this and be along to give you some advice from someone going through it. There's also a thread for December ladies here who are all expecting at the same time, going through the same things in terms of night time belly kicks.
For now I'd put him out of your mind, enjoy a weekend with your mum and focus on that scan on Tuesday.

[xmasevebundle]

i have cut contact i changed my number a month ago. He blocked me on facebook when i said he should be ashamed of his ways..He lives around the corner from me id say half a min walk.. i dont care going through csa its for the baby not me why should they be without cos there dad is a fool? i have asked my mw to go young mums im 19 and want to go and meet new people in the same situation. I cant swim but i would go just not in the deep end... i am nearly 20w and still not had a phone call i have my mw wednesday and ill ask again. i no i few people with babys my friend her sister has a 1 year old called oscar.. shes 17. i do no a few others but they just sleep around cause drama take drugs i DONT want to be around that and many mums around where i live are like that but i expect there is a decent few!! im not being stuck up or looking down but i dont want to be involed that id rather be lonely. i will look at that fourm ive only just joined felt kind of lonely in a way. i can talk to my mum and dad but its not the same thing if you nk what i mean. thank you for the reply xx

[xmasevebundle]

as for the baby going without i mean it wont but you no what i mean. ive got everything already i just mean id have to spend my money i dont mind on the baby and he should pay half as its is xx

[ninani]

He tries to deviate the attention from you to him. Typical controlling behaviour. Do not fall for that trick. He will NEVER listen or care for you but blame you for evetything. It makes him feel good by giving you ultimatums and he hates losing control of you. It's his baby as well so if you make him a part of it he will use it against you as he won't allow you to make any decisions. If he is so controlling, manipulating and abusive you don't need his "help". You are not married to him, not dependent upon him financialy, you don't live in a house which is in his name, you don't have joint accounts or share a car, it's so much better that it hasn't come to this level. Otherwise you would be in a lot more trouble :(

Have this moved to Relationships as there are many victims of abuse there who can give you proper advice.

[TittyWhistles]

So sorry to hear aboutyour awful situation, i had a baby very young with a stupid, immature boy who threatened all sorts then when my son arrived, backed right down in the face of my and my family's united front.

Your family sound supportive, you must take all the support offered by your family and try to leave this awful relationship behind. You can be a stronger person and a stronger Mum if you don't have to waste time and energy on this 'man'.

All the issues around custody and parental rights don't need to be worried about til your baby is born. Right now you need to save your energy and be healthy and calm for your baby.

Hope everything can be good for you and your LO.

[xmasevebundle]

love is blind as ive learned. he nos im job seekers and if he put 100 pound into my bank id have to say im getting it. i do feel very betrayed and angry at him. hes said it will be his only child because he would want them not this. i am a happier girl without him he made me feel like a child. But now im control and tell him whats what. he did want to come tk the 20w scan but i told him no because he isnt there for me in anyway. i do eat and dont go out as much in a way im scared... his mum come up to a bus stop i was at i rarely go out if i do its a treat starbucks and cinema. she said your a cunt to my son i started crying and run home i was shaking i didnt call the police due to me and the ex still talking. i like staying in doing my room looking at babys stuff having 'me' time. i wont let him see the child as he would think upon it as oh you fucker you ruined my life.. as long he pays his way im happy. my mum,dad have bought cot etc because my money is tight i bought the pram which was out my birthday money. i sold all my hello kitty items i collected it since i was 13 even have a tattoo of it.. i bought everything he bought this for the baby. 20muslin 76 on bedding which i took back i already got it and got a bouncer sleepsuits and kept the rest for the gender day.. he bought a playmat which he said he would send in the post and if does do that ill keep it and say when we go csa why did he send the playmat of he denyed the baby?? i have spent every last penny and i tell you what i feel alot stronger now and i can do it WITHOUT him... thank you for the reply xx

[mrsdaisaku]

My dd is 8 now and never officially met her biological father. I dumped him before I even knew I was pregnant, then when I found out he didn't believe the child was his. Refused DNA testing and has never contributed anything. Sometimes children are better off without their fathers. Personally I am all for walking away from someone who could do more harm than good to your childs life.

My daughter is now going to be adopted by my husband and will be given full details of the bio father when she's 18 and he can tell her to her face why he wanted nothing to do with her (if she wants to find him). But always be honest with your child, my daughter knows she has another 'Daddy' out there, but that he wasn't able to be around for her. My life is so much less complicated without him in it and know that all I did was for my daughter and our future, which is brilliant now. So look at all aspects and make a decision.

[TittyWhistles]

Oh, just thought I'd add that my son is now 22, a graduate who is starting his own business!
He's never had any contact with his bio father and so I can say that he is all my own work!

God knows what might have happened if he'd had his "dad" around as a role model.

[xmasevebundle]

i dont want him in the childs life if its boy he will bring him up like him.. controling and evil. All i want is him to face up and do whats right. Csa will take alot of money of him due to his job.. such a good job but an idoit maybe the job role went to his head!!!

tittywhistles i am laughing!!! i am thinking the same thing...