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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

This dick won't fuck off!

23 replies

ScoobyDoo2012 · 21/05/2012 22:10

Posted before about ex who took up with nursery nurse. He's texted a few times I've ignored, he then texted from a number I didn't recognise but i knew it was him. He has just text again- "Me and Laura will be take ds to child 1 and child 2s parties next week, hope this won't be awkward for you? X"

Uuuugh I am fuming.
a) He won't fuck off
b) He's assuming I give a fuck about them
c) I now can't take my ds to parties because it WILL be awkward and ds will see ex and his new gf (ds's nursery nurse) again = confused 3 year old
d) He's not giving me a choice he is telling me in no uncertain terms and then asking how I feel
e) When I see him at the nursery, he hides in his car until I've gone- THAT is awkward

I have deleted his number and not replied but wondering if I should saying what a prick he is. Obviously not the best idea I want him to just go!!

OP posts:

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discophile · 21/05/2012 22:14

If you have a child together, surely you'll have to keep on seeing and communicating with him forever? (Sorry, don't know the background). And he put a X on the text... doesn't that mean a kiss?

solidgoldbrass · 21/05/2012 22:15

Send him a message or email or something along the lines of 'Do not contact me again.' (ISTR he is not your DC's father and there are no financial issues to sort out after the end of your relationship so there is no need for him to be in contact with you).

ScoobyDoo2012 · 21/05/2012 22:17

Not my ds father, we each have a ds same age same nursery. I'm just worried if I contact again it will show he's getting to me/ add fuel to fire?

OP posts:

curiositykitten · 21/05/2012 22:18

So your ex's girlfriend is dating the parent of one of the children she looks after? That's got to be some dodgy ground?

Sassybeast · 21/05/2012 22:22

But you DO give a f* about him because he still affects you. And that's perfectly understandable. He (and she) will be waiting by the phone for you to react to this text. I would be tempted to ignore it, but it would also be okay to reply with 'That's fine - there's really no need for you to seek my permission'
I do think you need to make it clear long term that he should not be in touch. With regards your son, kids at that age are incredibly resilient and adaptable and he will be fine if you can rise above all the shit that this charming pair are throwing your way.

ScoobyDoo2012 · 21/05/2012 22:23

Yes she is, they have now moved her to the 'baby room' so not directly working with my ds or his (only occasionally), I've read it's legal for teachers to date parents so assume they are 'allowed'. I just don't see why they have to attend parties/pick up his ds together in sight of my ds.

OP posts:

ScoobyDoo2012 · 21/05/2012 22:24

Ahh sassybeast I wish I hadn't deleted his number that reply would have been perfect. He'll be waiting by his phone now no doubt. Just hope me ignoring it doesn't show I'm angry :S

OP posts:

Sassybeast · 21/05/2012 22:26

Can't you find it in your logs ? Then delete it again....

ScoobyDoo2012 · 21/05/2012 22:27

Hmm where are logs? I have a blackberry. Deleted his number months ago, every text from him deleted also :S

OP posts:

Pandygirl · 21/05/2012 22:34

You're giving him too much headspace, ignore the text and ignore them at the party, just tell your son that you and ex aren't friends anymore.

They seem to be thriving on the drama, I'm sure you've better things to do.

Lueji · 21/05/2012 22:34

Sorry, but I think you need to bite the bullet and face them at nursery and at parties.

Just ignore the message.

sadwidow28 · 21/05/2012 22:40

Scooby,

b) He's assuming I give a fuck about them

YES - you clearly do....so you really have to let him go. It really isn't illegal or immoral for a parent to date a teacher/nursery nurse at their child's school, but one would hope that the awkwardness can be minimalised.

However upsetting it might be for YOU to see the nursery teacher and exP arriving to collect his son, do you really think that exP's son is 'less important' than your son?

c) I now can't take my ds to parties because it WILL be awkward and ds will see ex and his new gf (ds's nursery nurse) again = confused 3 year old

I think it is more about YOUR feelings than DS's. Of course you can take your DS to the childrens' parties - rise above it. Surely you wouldn't want the other little boy in the nursery not to attend any parties to spare YOUR feelings would you?

I see that the nursery assistant has been re-assigned to the baby room. What more do you want?

Sugary · 21/05/2012 22:56

I think your feelings are completely understandable; you're only human and they do sound a bit ridiculous. I'd be tempted to do as other have said and reply to his latest message with a breezy: Yes, no problem!

Don't worry about either of them and try not to let him know it makes you uncomfortable. :)

ScoobyDoo2012 · 21/05/2012 23:37

I've moved past the awkwardness at pick up etc and know it's not illegal, nursery situation is fine. I don't think his son is less important at all, I actually think it's confusing for his ds- his mother left him, ex and I got together, ex "swaps" me with a woman who's looked after him in nursery all within 8 months. His ds was incredibly insecure after his mother left and I grew attached to him in our time together.

My main grievance- I just know my ex, and know he was texting for a reaction and to figure out how I feel etc as I have been ignoring his other attempts at contact. He treated me horribly and I am still bitter for that.

Me and ds will attend party, but my ds and his are best friends it will be hard to avoid one another because his ds approaches me and my ds approaches him. Will just have to grin and bear it.

OP posts:

NicNocJnr · 22/05/2012 01:00

He is after your reaction exactly like he always has been. He hates it that you are rising above it

He is the bastard both of your DSs I feel sorry for because he's horrible.

Your best revenge will be greeting them with a blank smile, ignoring his communication & then posting on here to vent. It makes you the bigger person, it reduces the impact on your DS and he will hate it because he can't get under your skin. You can interact with his DS too at communal events without engaging with the tosser which I think will make that poor little boy less upset.
Well done you for giving him a dose of his own medicine.

HotDAMNlifeisgood · 22/05/2012 09:21

Go to the party. Why should a twat limit yours and DS's life?

If people avoided any event or location where twats were present, we would never the house.

He's just a twat among many others, no more. Stop giving him the power to ruin your enjoyment of your own life.

MissFaversham · 22/05/2012 11:01

He won't fuck of because you aren't making him OP. Ignore, Ignore, Ignore

TheHappyHissy · 22/05/2012 17:28

Keep ignoring. It's only for a few more weeks until the end of school.

Keep talking to us, we'll support you.

CinnabarRed · 23/05/2012 13:45

Did he actually leave you for her? If so, then you're feelings are completely understandable. If she just happens to be his next GF (so there was no overlap) I don't see that he's done anything wrong. In fact, letting you know in advance that he would be taking his DS (and why not?) to an event you might also be attending is surely just common courtesy?

ScoobyDoo2012 · 23/05/2012 13:51

There was an overlap :(

OP posts:

CinnabarRed · 23/05/2012 13:54

In that case I take it back.

Still, at least you know in advance which parties they're going to be at.

Mumsyblouse · 23/05/2012 14:34

I think the best thing to do is not to reply, don't waste anymore of your time on them. You can't control which parties they attend, indeed the two boys will probably carry on being friends so it's best if you fix a grin on your face and front it out whilst secretly wishing they would bugger off elsewhere

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ScoobyDoo2012 · 23/05/2012 16:06

thank you ladies, it makes such a difference venting here. We will go and just keep our distance as best as possible. I'm so bad at "playing it cool" lol I shake and go all jittery. Maybe a small vodka and coke before hand would help?! :p

OP posts:

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