Okay I'm really really struggling here!
My mum had bunion surgery (she is single) 11 days ago. She has been amazing for me in the past, there for all my major life events etc., and I have been absolutely prepared to help her in any way I can. We live 3 or so miles from each other so the plan was for me to move in with her and look after her / her dog until she was back on her feet again.
I'm really struggling. Every comment contains an instruction, including unnecessary instructions, so I start to finish her sentences with 'I've done that', 'Yes I know', 'Let me figure it out'. Her response to that has been 'oh yes I wanted to ask you to do that, but I didn't dare' - which, if I'm honest, I can understand. Although straight instructions I'm fine with, it's the 'I would go into [insert name of shop] and ask [insert request] - I don't need instructions on how to interact in everyday life!! Sorry, I do know I sound like a bitch 
I've quit alcohol since Christmas, and she not. My dog injured his leg on the walk today, and she insisted on 'massaging' him this evening, making him yelp. Despite insisting that he would not benefit from going up to bed with her for further 'massage', and then be moved to my room, she said I should 'just chill out' and took him upstairs. For context, her dog shares the 1.5 seat sofa where we sit in the evening and is allowed to lick her supper plate on the sofa making me feel a bit sick. I am having to work most evenings in order to make the other stuff do-able in the day, and a lurcher sharing the space with me is not easy!
The crux of it is I feel like a TOTAL bitch. She never hears what I say the first time round. So I either say it loud the first time, or sound resigned and loud a second time, which also sounds rude. And I can see that she thinks I'm being rude...hell I think it.
Along with caring for her full-time and the dogs, I also work full time. Work deadlines this week are intense. She has a bandage change appointment tomorrow and will be taxied there. The original plan was for us to go together, but she is walking pretty easily around the house, and I asked whether she would mind if I didn't go with her tomorrow, due to work and the fact she could make it about the place without too much problem. She got up and left the room and said I had spoiled her evening.
Sorry, this is a bit of an outpouring. I'm just so confused. I feel 99% of the time like I'm being a bitch, I'm going very wrong I think...
Any advice on how to deal with all this in an adult way would be really appreciated as I'm evidently not managing 
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help! Mum, Caring, Oh bloody hell
threestepsforward · 19/03/2012 23:22
And I'm off to bed but ever hopeful of waking up tomorrow to instructions on making me the perfect daughter 
(coping techniques please!!!!!!)
Thank you!
Cailan I like your suggestion! The wheels tend to come off after 6 pm ("drinkie time" in this household). I'd forgotten how boring it is (and I am) to be with someone getting pissed when you're not.
Rightchoice yes I'm thinking she too will be hanging out the bunting when I leave! She is so independent usually, but the problem is she can't drive for a few weeks so needs me to shop and walk the dog for her. As I don't drive, it's too much for me to do back and forth on my bike from home, which is why I'm staying here. I can't imagine she finds my company much fun at the moment. I'm having to work a lot and I'm taking up the space usually reserved for her dog!
I just needed to vent last night so thank you for hearing me! I'm going to keep away from sharp objects when I feel stabby, mainly so I don't poke my own eyes out 
Sorry, you lost me at the 3 mile bike ride being 'too much'. It can't take you more than 10-15 mins, surely? Unless either you or your mother live at the top of a big hill? My DP commutes a round trip of 18 miles almost every day, and I often do a 24 mile round trip by bike.
30 mins max out of your day has to be worth your sanity, right? And the exercise will be good for you too. You have more than done your duty.
Wow lots of replies, thank you!
I told her how upset I was that she stormed off when I suggested she go solo for the bandage change, and that she was incredibly unfair to suggest 'it's one day' (i.e. you can't even support me for just this one day), when I have in fact offered myself up for a number of weeks! She said she was upset too, so no ground conceded there, ho hum.
Thistledew, the 6 mile round trip is a problem in the middle of my day. I work full time for myself and also have a dog, who is old and couldn't run alongside my bike. I just wouldn't have the time in the day to work, walk my dog, cycle to mums and walk her dog unfortunately. 6 miles is no problem for me in theory, it just couldn't work in practice as each dog walk would be an hour. (I have no DCs).
Online shop a very good idea
I am going with her to her appointment today and will see what the nurse says about mobility etc. over the coming days.
I can manage one more week I think and then I'm done and will most likely be necking 3 bottles of the hard stuff a day
Thanks again for your responses/suggestions.
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