Is alcohol likely to be the reason?

[ninethreesix]

OK, so apologies if this is a really stupid question. Or for any TMI in the following.

Met someone last night, we go back to a friends post pub. Bit silly I know, but was hugely attracted to him, and vice versa I think. We'd both had a fair bit to drink but neither of us (I thought) were hugely pissed. Ended up in bed together. Prior to this there'd been lots of kissing etc. All fine. Except that he couldn't get it up, at all. I tried, he tried; nothing doing. He blamed it on the drink. It really wasn't a big issue for me at the time, other things happened instead which were very enjoyable .

This morning he had an erection briefly but lost it when we were fooling around. Again really no biggie.

But I was thinking about it later and wondered if alcohol would really be too blame for both last night and this morning? I've had sex before with men who couldn't 'finish' due to drink/drugs, but never been with anyone who was unable to sustain an erection. The fact he couldn't get erect at all - and today lost it so quickly, made me wonder if there was an underlying issue? Or if it's just that he was more pissed than I realised?

We've been chatting today, and are going out next weekend, I like him a lot, but am a bit shit at spotting warning signals, not sure if this is one to concern myself over or not.

He's mid 20s by the way, so don't think it's down to age.

[AnyFucker]

What is it with all these men who can't get it up ?

I may be getting a bit old now, and happily married to the man with the most reliable hard-on like ever

but even in my younger days, I actually never met a man who couldn't get it up, who wasn't a fuckwit for one reason or another

did I lead a sheltered life (unlikely) or did I simply not make excuses for fuckwits

I dunno

[AnyFucker]

btw, OP, my husband is nearly 50 and likes a drink

no willy-wilt here, and we are hardly in the intial throes of lust

[whydontwehaveasharpknife]

I think the reason that so many men cant get it up is to do with, de- sensitising through use of Porn.

[Housewifefromheaven]

:o at anyfucker

[ninethreesix]

anyfucker I've never met a man who couldn't get it up before.

Ones who've come in about 5 seconds , or who couldn't finish - yes to both, but not this.

I just assumed I was so amazingly attractive that no man could resist me

[AnyFucker]

nine, you are

it's not you with the problem, that is my point, mate

[ninethreesix]

Thanks AF!

Am thinking I'll see him again, make sure he doesn't drink a bloody drop and see what happens...

I do fancy him like mad, on the way home he picked me up and carried me down the road over his shoulder (trust me that's no mean feat, I'm no waif!), he was texting me as soon as he got home this morning. He's great in every other respect. Hopefully it is just a one-off, though would be just my luck to meet someone who is all of the above, but it's at the expense of sex!

[AnyFucker]

keep us posted

[fiventhree]

AF!!!!

[blackcurrants]

Could have been the drink first time and then stagefright the second time because he was thinking "oh shit I hope that doesn't happen again." I am reliably informed that this can happen. See if you can take the pressure off in some way, if you really fancy him and want to give it a go.

[AnyFucker]

five what ?

[Malificence]

Mine is also pushing 50 and has never had a problem, even after a couple of beers and several whiskeys. Morning should equal a guaranteed shag, highest testosterone levels of the day generally mean stronger erections.

[fiventhree]

AF, if a man is a bit shy and doesnt get an erection the first time, it doesnt make him a fuckwit!

Even if he does have 'performance anxiety', which is the most common reason for younger men not performing at first, it still doesnt mean he is a fuckwit.

However, it seems alot of hassle to take on, IMO, if he does have it.

[AnyFucker]

five I did say in my experience

and I was right, every time

[faeriemoo]

I would guess that he wasn't aware of any problem with his ability to "get it up" as he sounds like he was very confident in the way he carried you to bed.

I'd give it another bash. Take one for the team!

[AnyFucker]

oh yeah, no need to get shut just yet

but watch out for fuckwit tendencies, is all I am saying

[ninethreesix]

The next morning, I woke up before him and went to get some water, when I got back into bed and we cuddled up he was definitely hard, but it didn't last. We'd only had about 3 hours sleep so could have still be drink-related.

Stagefright is a possibility - I'm a bit older than him and I guess the desire to impress was there. He was very apologetic, I said it didn't matter (which it really didn't!).

I'll try and take the pressure off next time, though any thoughts as to how would be appreciated, he's coming to mine for the night (we live a fair way apart) so we're obviously going to end up in bed. He's already said he wants to make it up to me for last time!

[blackcurrants]

welll (not an expert by any means, but I do READ a lot of sex advice columns, so that's, like, the same thing, right? RIGHT?) - it sounds like you're doing most things right. Taking the pressure off as in NOT storming off in a huff when there's no erection and instead letting him know that actually, what else is on offer is just fine and dandy and working well - that's the kind of thing. Laugh it off if it comes up - the advice I've heard it don't make a thing of it, "don't hold a funeral for his dick or he'll really believe it's dead" - don't do a 'should we talk about your problem?' moment on him. Just let him know what else to do, and let him know if/that you like it.

It's possibly a fluke. If he's really into you then stagefright can happen, so they say. I hope you get the 'making it up' that you both deserve!

[fuzzpig]

DH couldn't get/sustain an erection very often when we first got together. A mix of nerves and a lot of anxiety around sex (due to previous terrible marriage).

It is now Very Reliable Indeed. :o

[taxiforme]

Stress, performance anxiety or guilt = Mr Flopsy

[ninethreesix]

Fuzzpig, lets hope my situation improves similarly

There's certainly no way I'd storm off or get cross or upset or anything if it does happen again (though I hope it doesn't!). If it did I'd honestly be more than happy to lie in bed with him just kissing all night (he is a seriously amazing kisser - as is probably evidenced by the stubble rash I'm currently sporting ).

[ToxicToria]

I had a short relationship with a man who had this problem the first twice which I put down to nerves after the second time he definitely didn't have that problem again

[mojitomania]

I had a relationship with a bloke that couldn't due to nerves 1st time but fine after. I also had a few dates with a bloke that was "never able to". You'll just have go check it out again.