Don't think I'm in love with DH anymore - please help me work this through - don't know what to do

[helpmeoutwiththisplease]

ok - been with dh for 14 years, two dc's both at school.

I love him dearly but can't see myself staying in our marriage much longer - I don't know if this is just because of circumstance or if we've just got into a viscous cycle.

dh works crazy shifts - one weekend off a month and i seem to spend most evenings by myself on mn or when he is here he normally gets in about 9pm so by the time we've had dinner I'm exhausted and tend to just fall asleep as soon as we get into bed.

I work too in a pretty stressful job but am just feeling really lonely and its like we're living in parallel lives - we could just be housemates really.

sex is non-existant - i don't really ever feel like it (i think that I resent the amount of time he's at work and just can't get over this to want to feel intimate with him) he's given up initiating it as he's had enough of me telling him that I'm too tired.

I think the last time we had sex was at christmas.

I feel empty - like it wouldn't really make a difference if we seperated.

I know this is a tiny problem compared to some posters on here - when dh is here he is a loving father - does loads of cooking/housework etc - but i just feel like we're drifting apart and I'm almost scared to bring it up in case he agrees and then I just don't know where we'll go from there.

where do I go from here? I'm in tears just thinking about it all.

[mumtofour]

Hi first may I send you a huge hug as I can imagine this is an emotional time for you. I wish I could respond for you with uplifting and positive vibes but I am too in a position of insecurity about my marriage which will be 20 years this year! All I will say is there is only you that truely knows how you feel and the connection you still have with your husband. I know me and my hubby seems to have led parrallel lives and communicated little and so each have resentments and expectations that are not being met. With what you have posted I would say talk to him and tell him how his working away makes you feel..you may be surprised by his reply, he may feel the wrench it causes too! All you can be is honest about how you feel. I wish you all the best however things turn out xx

[helpmeoutwiththisplease]

thank you and sorry that you are feeling the same insecurities.

we're going away in a few weeks just the two of us so hoping that we may be able to start feeling how we used too.

what's compounded it is that it was our wedding anniversary this week - and i've just been reflecting on how I thought things would work out and what the reality is - I can't imagine life without him, but equally I can't carry on like this :(

[mumtofour]

its not a nice place to be in...we all want to feel happy in life dont we. I do hope you time together is just what your relationship needs. x