My mum is currently staying with us for 2 weeks (not by choice really, got guilted into it). She's taking care of DS (21 months) while I work from home and DH is away.
We've always had a fraught relationship (long story of course!) but it wasn't until my 30s really that I started to think it's not really all my fault, and that in the end she just has not been a very good mother.
She was not abusive, I know she loves me and in some ways over the years has been helpful. But she is emotionally manipulative, melodramatic, chaotic, bitter, angry, handled her divorce very badly and just generally makes no sense to me. I left home at 17 and never went back for more than a few days at a time.
When I was pregnant and thinking about what kind of mum I wanted to be, I realised everything I thought about was how I don't want to do this like my mum. I could only think of one thing I would copy from her (she always made sure I had lots of books). That is literally it. This realisation was heartbreaking to me
Having her here and seeing how she takes care of DS is giving me a lot of flashbacks and I'm struggling.
I don't think I'm super mum or anything but I do think in many ways I'm doing better than my mum.
I guess maybe this should make me happy but instead I just feel overwhelmingly sad. I wish with all my heart I had a great mum
Just wondering if anyone else feels this way and has any coping strategies. I feel like I could never say any of this in RL because it's such a taboo to think badly of your mum.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Do you think you're a better mum than your own mum? How do you feel about that?
dreamingbohemian · 30/01/2012 13:00
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