have i been wearing rose tinted specs or can i not see wood for the trees?

[myheadsamarley]

hi alll.. hoping you can provide some perspective... how do i know if my marriage is worth the fight???
Summary:
Togther 10 years
3 dc's - got pg after a year together. married when dc1 was 11 months old.
Disgnosed with dep and anx 2 months before weddinG... Still probs to this day.. Hubby has never read up on how to support me or himself through.this despite me literally begging him to.

Rejected me sexually for over a year about 5 yearz ago.. said i had let myself go(true)

• only just found out from him that actually he resented me for taking away his freedom!!!??!!?? Now expects me to be over it... How?
  

Work PT... Hubby always worked and still does... doesn't dring/gamble/take drugs and is a 'good egg' Is this it tho?? I used to think " it you love somebody set them free" so he does his hobby two evenings a week somwtimes more.. i blew up a bit as this has been goung on for several years.. i think he is prioritising his own interests over me and the kids...dont see him in my long-term future as i have really lost respe t for him...I have asked for he and i togo to counselling repeatedly but it's fallen on deaf ears.. He's not interested in the emotional committment.

Have fought long and hard to try and get better...think i am getting there..like to think i am compassionate but maybe i'm not.... DM told me yesterdai i have too high standards and that prob noone would make the grade in my eyes..
So bloody confused and disappointed.... how do i straighten this out? Can I? I know i have been v idealistic..and could be trying harder... i love my kids but it's made things harder for us..... pls can u offer any wisdom or fyidance. feel like i have got this all so wrong... x

[Punkatheart]

Sorry - but counselling really is the only way to unpick this. None of them are uncommon problems - such as a man resenting you for taking away his freedom. But you both have things that you need to say in front of a professional. No one outside your marriage can tell you to end it. Even a counsellor will only help you to be more clear-sighted, as you do sound muddled and uncertain.

[myheadsamarley]

thanks punkatheart.... thanks for taking the time to read and post.... i must come across as very jumbled!!

[springydaffs]

.. which is why you need to lay this all out with a counsellor to make sense of it, put it in categories of importance, get some one-on-one time with someone who is qualified to walk through the mess with you and help you make some sense of it; someone who cares. Feeling 'jumbled' is par for the course with depression and tbh I'm not surprised you are depressed from what you've written here. Also try to remember that older generations can have a different take on life and relationships and can appear unsympathetic - the "pull your socks up/get on with it" brigade - they often mean well but don't have a clue what you're going through and do more harm than good.

Your husband doesn't sound very loving or committed... but you do need to work all this through with a counsellor to find out what's what with your life and marriage. If funds are tight, you can access low-cost counselling through womens orgs. GP surgeries offer up to 6-week counselling but imo you'll need longer than that to 1. settle in and 2. work through the issues you are facing.

I wish you the very best marley. You're not the first to be facing jumbles like this, plenty of us have been through some pretty sticky times xx