DP can't and won't learn to swim

[peppajay]

Hi

Not sure if this is the right section to post this but will give it a go and see if I can get any advice.

My DP cannot swim, and refuses to learn. His idea of hell is a family holiday by the beach with a pool. I would love to take the kids abroad in a few yrs on what I call a sunshine holiday but my DP will not come with us. As a family we often went on these type of holidays when I was a child and loved it my dad couldnt swim but eventually he had lessons so he could come in the pool with us, he never relished these type of holidays but he did it for us!!

We have booked to go to Butlins in April with alot of reluctance from him but he finally agreed which is great of him but he will refuse to go in the pool. He never went on holiday as a child or had swimming lessons or was taken swimming. He had a lessons at school but never liked it. His sisters have both had lessons as adults and can swim now but neither of his parents have ever been in the sea or a swimming pool.

Our kids have lessons which he thinks is throwing money down the drain as he really cannot understand the obsession with water!!!

I like to take the kids swimming at weekends but have to do it one at a time as I can't take both kids in on my own as our pool has a 2 to 2 ratio.

Funnily enough we live by the coast and he loves walks along the beach but would never lie on the beach. Most of the summer I spend the warm weekends at the beach with the kids but minus him I just wish he would give it a go as we could have such fabulous times as a family.

We do lots as a family anyway walks along the beach, days out, etc but I would just love for him to do this 1 thing for me, just 1 lesson or at least getting in a pool to really see if it is that bad and if he really hated it then fair enough, I would understand if something bad had happened in the water but as he has probably only ever been in the water a handful of times.

Just wondered if there is anybody else who has a partner who can't or won't swim. Apart from this we have a great relationship but I jsut feel he could get so much more from family life if he would give it a try.

So in a nutshell if I want family holidays I have to take the kids alone or he will come but go off exploring rather than being bored stupid on the beach or round the pool!!!

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks x

[loosyloo]

if my OH was a camping freak and tried to get me to go on camping hols, that would be my holiday from hell, your OH is in the same situation. Leave him be, if he doesnt enjoy it, the holiday wont work

[Theas18]

Can't see why this is a big issue- it'a mountain of a molehill I think. He doesn't swim and wont go in water but may well go on holiday and go off exploring.... I see no reason why you shouldn't do the "pool time" and then you relax and laze about as you want to while he takes the kids with him "exploring"- rock pooling, wandering round the local town etc

At butlins you do the pool and he can take them to the fair or what ever!

[twooter]

I think the ability to swim is so important - from a lifesaving pov if nothing else. Is he phobic ( or rabid)?

[StepfordWannabe]

He doesn't have to be able to swim to take a small child swimming surely? All ha has to do is stand in the shallow end and get them dressed etc. My father can't swim, but he always got in the pool/sea with us to splash around. Are you sure he doesn't actually have a dreadful drowning phobia that he is maybe too embarrassed to admit?

I completely understand his not liking to lie about on the beach, but if you've ever been on a beach with small children you know that there is very little actual lying around and more ball playing/sandcastles/suncream palaver etc than anything else.

[CharminglyOdd]

I don't have a DP like this but my DM can't really swim (despite growing up by the sea). She was always very keen for us to swim however, for the safety benefits as much as anything (particularly as we lived near a river). We also, when old enough, went to the lifeguarding course at the local pool. Could you improve your DP's view of swimming by selling him the safety benefits for the children, if not himself?

I agree with loosyloo in the sense that it sounds like the more you push him, the less likely he is to be inclined towards swimming. OTOH (and I don't know if telling your DP this will be useful or not, it may have an adverse effect) when I was swimming with my sister and we were quite little (she was four) she had an accident in the pool and was drowning (long story short: she was being held under water by an inflatable toy). My DF had gone to the loo, leaving my DM 'in charge' from the side of the pool as we were near the edge. She had to rely on the lifeguard to save my sister, which fortunately he did.

[loosyloo]

maybe he just doesnt like showing his body off

thats quite common

[HappyCamel]

Well there are lots of other family holidays, like Orlando theme parks or camping or safari or skiing. If he really isn't comfortable with it then don't make him.

What if he was in to climbing but you were scared of heights or just didn't like hanging around on a rope? There are loads of holidays you can do with your family without him having to swim. Even more if he'll paddle a bit.

[BeattieBow]

can you find out sensitively whether he is scared of the water? my H learned to swim as an adult because he was terrified of the water as a child. He still isn't a strong swimmer, and won't go out of his depth, but is good enough to be able to take the children swimming. (as long as there is a lifeguard on duty!).

[coppertop]

I'm with your dh on this one. Swimming pools and lying on a beach aren't what I'd want to do on a holiday.

I can't swim either, despite several years of lessons at school. Co-ordinating the kicking of legs and moving of arms to get anywhere is like trying to pat my head and rub my stomach at the same time.

Saying that, I don't understand why he needs to be able to swim to be able to get in the pool with a young child. Presumably the water is fairly shallow?

[pollyblue]

I'm the same as coppertop, don't see the appeal of beach holidays and despite spending several years trying, have failed to learn to swim. I am nervous of water (had a near drowning thing when I was 7) but have really tried to learn, and still not managed. My DD learned quite early on though (Dad took her to lessons) and twins will do the same. DD obviously hasn't inherited my lack of coordination!

I think you need to let it lie - if you were terrified of heights and he was a fan of bungee jumping I expect you'd get fed up if he kept pestering you to "do this one thing" for him and have a go. Perhaps he really is scared of water?

There's loads of other family-type holidays you can take and things you can do.

[TooEasilyTempted]

Why can't he just stay at the shallow end? I never venture any deeper than where I can stand.

[Thingumy]

I think leave him alone.

Not everyone wants to learn how to swim.

[otchayaniye]

send him round to me. I live in a swimming pool.

[forceslover]

I hate swimming and the idea of a poolside package holiday sounds like hell!

[peppajay]

Thanks for your replies I think I will stop pestering him and like I say we do loads as a family. Would like him to at least come in the pool but maybe he will do it in his own time, he isn't keen on stripping off as he calls it and will not wear shorts in the summer so I think this contributes to him not liking water and the beach. I have found out today about a pool not far from us that is shallower that allows 2 kids to 1 adult which I will try this weekend as at the moment am having to go twice!

[SenoritaViva]

There are loads of holidays with kids clubs etc. where the facilities are much more than water related... beach and swimming and water related sports but also tennis, golf etc. You could find one that suited everyone. I also agree with others that it is his choice, sad but true. Also, do you not have any lone parent friends that might welcome going on holiday with another girlfriend and the kids?

[Thingumy]

My dh skydives.

I'm fucked if I'm doing it,each to their own.

[Deliaskis]

It sounds a lot like you want to push him into your idea of a family holiday, which is clearly not the same as his. Your notion that this must involve the pool and the beach, and that everybody must take part, is a bit narrow. Look at other options that you will all like (I don't mean for this year as you've already booked, although you could look at other activities to do whilst you're there). Holidays don't have to mean swimming for everybody.

I do agree that swimming is a life skill though so keep taking your kids even if on your own.

D

[lljkk]

I feel that swimming is an essential life skill and he's doing himself & his children a disservice by being so adverse. He can make the choice for himself, but I'd be worried about children's safety, especially if you live in a coastal town. Your DC will get more opportunities than usual to come a cropper, the stronger their swimming skills the better. He should at least be supportive of things you can do to make them strong swimmers.

Most adults don't do much swimming, even on family beach holidays, just bring a newspaper & a good book.