I really don't want to go there for Xmas

[HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer]

My mum (and at times my dad but he wasn't as bad) was very unkind to me emotionally during my childhood and was always in a bad mood, up and down like a yoyo and tried to make me believe I was horrible and awful.

I'm now in my mid thirties. I have had counselling and feel a lot better about myself and know it's not me with the problem, but my mum. She does, however, still get in bad moods a lot. Sometimes she will be fine, other times she will be all moody and passive aggressive when I haven't done anything wrong.

Earlier this week she asked if she could have my DCs for a day so I could finish getting sorted for Christmas. I was happy for her to have them as obviously it's a hectic time of year. She came and collected them (she insisted) and when I went to pick them up she was in a bad mood and not talking to me, neither was my dad really. They kept talking to the children but more or less ignored me. My mum then put a drink on the dining table and it went all over my dad's laptop and he really went off on one. I said "Oh I'm sure it will be fine if we wipe it, we've had a few drinks spilt on ours but it should be ok" and he went off on one at me, basically blaming me for it!! (I used to get blamed for everything as a child). So I said to the kids "Well, I think we'd better go home now kids", and off we went. I didn't storm off but I made it clear we were going because of the outburst.

We go to my parents for Xmas lunch every year; we always go at midday and dinner is at 1 or 2ish. Mum is insistent that we go and gets upset if I say we will have Xmas at home, so we always go. Anyway, we were all on for this year, and she suddenly announced yesterday that we're not to go round earlier than 4.30pm and she'll cook for then or later. I'd done all the food shopping for us for Xmas but went out today and got some extras, but it seems like my mum is being a matryr, not wanting us there but soldiering on. To be honest I would rather have had Xmas at home this year anyway but mum insisted we go there, so now we will have the children excited all day about going to nanny and grandad's house, and wondering why we can't go, and also I prefer to have Christmas dinner at lunchtime then relax, which is what we have always done in previous years (I do help prepare the dinner btw).

I just don't want to go now, I don't feel like we are particularly welcome, and I can't relax there as my parents are uptight, but obviously we will look the bad guys if we turn round now and say we can't go/don't want to go.

[Gigondas]

Don't go - I doubt the kids will be that upset if they are stuck into presents . I know family ties are odd even when they act like yours as you still feel pull but from
What you have posted, why would you go Round there to get sulked at? Damned If you do go and presumably damned If you don't so what's to lose?

[HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer]

That is exactly what I've been thinking Gigondas, I can't win with them and never will regardless of what I do. So may as well please myself than try to please them.

[HollyGoDroopy]

Just don't go all she can do is be pissed off and the world won't end if she is.
Go to asda it is open until 7pm and buy some nice bits for lunch and enjoy your day.
If you really can't face telling her you don't want to go then make up some horrible virus/bug that requires one of you to stay close to a loo until boxing day.

[TooEasilyTempted]

I'd just say to your mum that as the children will be up early and will be overexcited and will want to play with their toys in their own home, that 4.30 is too late for them to eat so thanks for the invite but you'll pass on it this year and you'll call around there for half an hour in the morning instead then go home for dinner.

[HollyGoDroopy]

It took me until last year to do what I wanted for xmas and nothing terrible happened apart from my dad having a moan and my mum pretending she wouldn't visit over xmas, she turned up xmas day morning full of festive joy .

[HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer]

I think one way or the other I'm going to cancel going

[yellowraincoat]

Agree - don't go. I've given up on Christmas with my family, since all they do is sit in front of the telly agog. I am going to a friend's house.

The worst that can happen is they'll be pissed off, and since they seem pissed off all the time anyway, it won't make a blind bit of difference.

[TheLastNameLeft]

I wouldnt go either, relax and have a lovely day with the family members who give you joy, thats what this time of year is all about anyway.

Hope you have a lovely Xmas Hex

[HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer]

Mutt, I wouldn't have wanted to cancel if the things hadn't happened earlier in the week that I mentioned earlier, and being told that we're not to go round until 4.30. That's why I'm feeling like cancelling on Xmas Eve.