Help request! Tell me some positives....

[SantaIsAnAnagramOfSatan]

of having a relationship.

obviously this board is quite good at reminding us of all the downsides and i'm struggling to think of plus sides.

tell me all the wonderful things about having a partner in your life so that maybe it will inspire me to climb out of my cave and look for one.

or should i just take up crochet or something?

[LovelyLizzie]

There are lots, with the right person. I've come to the conclusion though that having a relationship for the sake of it is worse than being single. I like to think that when I'm truly happy with my life without a partner, then the possibility of having a good relationship comes on in leaps and bounds.
Sorry if this sounds like obvious shite but I'm trying to cook lunch for six and kids are trying to eat it raw :)

[Malificence]

Quite simply, they enhance your life, if they don't, they are not worth having.

[Tinselperion]

I could write a tome about my amazing DH who is currently putting a load of washing on after bringing me breakfast in bed, gave me an injection of anti-clotting medicine in my thigh, checked my c-section stitches and all that on 3 hours sleep because he was up with me all night telling me what an amazing and brilliant woman I am while helping me settle and latch on our 3 day old PFB...that's in the last hour.

I remember when we got married talking about why bother - he makes me feel that I can do anything I set my mind to and he will support me every step of the way. I feel bolder, more outgoing, more beautiful and less worried about the future because I know we will be facing it as a team and getting married was important to both of us prove to each other we were in it for the long haul. Our rings are engraved "beloved, be bold" to remind us that marriage should be empowering.

I agree though, I was happy on my own (for the first time in my life) when we met and I think that had a significant positive effect on our relationship.

It may make a difference that among other things he teaches a term of radical feminist philosophy/theology to his upper 6th every year...

[BertieBotts]

I agree with LovelyLizzie.

[SantaIsAnAnagramOfSatan]

not a lot here is there.

and all rather vague.

i want some concrete pluses please

sorry to be so demanding.

[Tinselperion]

Err...if I wasn't in a relationship there would be no one to do those things for me or support me through hard times? Sorry I must have read your OP wrong. I shudder to think what dire straits I would be in right now if I was not in a relationship. I could never rely on family or friends to do all that DH does for me daily.

[venusandChristMARS]

Well crochet is quite a good idea - you could make a blanket and it would keep you warm

The thing is we all have relationships, all the time, with lots of other people. A great thing about being human and having a human brain, and human feelings is how we relate to others.

So I imagine that you will be in lots of relationships, some are mostly good and make you feel positive, some might be not so good, and you wonder if there is any purpose at all in you staying in them. But if you're talking about Relationship with a captial 'R', then there's lots that can be good about them (as an addition to the other life relationships you have, not as a a substitute or alternative). Here are mine:

• he is the stability in my life that enables me to have flights of fancy, frees me up to take risks knowing that he is my safety net;
  
• he loves me for being changeable and he does not criticise my dreams;
  
• I am the whimsical energy in his life, lifting him from routine and stimulating him to be experimental;
  
• I love him for being realistic and rational;
  
• over the years he has accpted all my passionate interests and has become involved in one or two;
  
• over the years I have accpted his passionate interests and I participate vaguely in a couple of them;
  
• Making him happy can give me as much pleasure as making my children happy, I become exhilarated by his excitement;
  
• he is always tender in bed, and considerate, and respectful, and errrmmmm good
  
• he does not replace the other (good) relationships I have in my life he compliments them or enhances them;
  
• I do not replace the other (good) relatiohships that he has - I com[plement them on enhance them;
  
• I trust him to stay with me for as long as I love him, I really believe that he will stay in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad: my dm has an ilness in late life that may be hereditary, and I trust him to care for me if I faced the same ilness;
  
• I sometimes look at him, or think about him, and I feel a big warm sigh in my tummy, that spread over my chest and makes me smile - is that love? I don't know, but that's what makes it all worth it.
  

PS I am still waiting for him to wash up the lunch dishes.

[BertieBotts]

It's subjective though, really.

The positives in my relationship/things I'd miss:

Being another adult around to help out with DS, meaning I have more freedom to go out (even just to the shop, but properly out too if we ever had the money), someone to support through the difficult bits, pick up the reins if I'm having a bad day, discuss stuff with etc etc. (Bad side - having to discuss stuff when it would be easier to just make the decision by myself)

...erm... the sex is nice

Someone to share the housework, the cooking, the bringing in of money, and the worrying about and organisation of the above. Currently if we did not have his wage I would not be able to continue my university course this year.

He has a car so drives us to places, gets shopping in car, etc. (I can't drive - want to learn when we have more money)

He introduces me to new things. We have fun together. I like his friends and family.

(Sorry, I'm massively tired and started this off feeling all fuzzy but ended up not really knowing what else to say, so just the practical sides really.)

[SantaIsAnAnagramOfSatan]

ahh. that's more like it venus

sorry i guess the oh my god how would i cope with a newborn without dp business doesn't work for me because i did all that solo. trust me it's possible, you would cope.

i can relate to the must be nice to share financial worries bit. i think it's one thing people underestimate about being an issue in single parents lives - like when some woman whose 6 figure earning husband goes away on business a lot and she says, oh i 'm a single mum like you really yeah! ok dear! they just don't get it.

i can't drive either so yes - a driver would be handy!

and definitely sex is a bonus isn't? free entertainment a non prescription mood enhancer etc

[SantaIsAnAnagramOfSatan]

more laughter would be good. they would definitely need to bring more laughter into my life.