man trouble

[nursey01]

hi was wondering if you can give some advice on my partner? Ive been with him for 8 years. During this time we have partied travelled the world and partied some more!! it all changed when i became pregnant i couldnt do it obviously he carried on as normal. staying out at weekends etc! this has continued to be the theme until i walked out at the weekend!

I have been ill for the last 6 months and ive had no support from him! i cried the other day and he caught me and gave me abuse for being upset. my friends and family are amazing tho! its got to the point that im now having panic attacks and anxitey attacks! i have never had this before i used to be so confident and happy!

what im loooking for is advice on should i go back and take his word that things will get better or do i cut my loses and leave permanently?

[Hissy]

You are sick and cried, having panic attacks and he gave you abuse?

He's giving himself permission to treat you like shit. You need to accept that unless you leave, there will be no incentive for him to change.

[izzywhizzyspecanpie]

How old is your dc? Is he a hands-on father?

Before you can consider returning, he needs to spell out in what ways things will be 'better'.

What changes would you like to see in your relationship and what changes does he intend to make to ensure that you feel valued, supported, and cherished by him?

[babyhammock]

It sometimes takes having a child or being ill to realise just what a selfish arse you're with. When you're carefree its easily overlooked. Sorry this has happened x

[FabbyChic]

Dont go back. He has to prove to you before you go back he will change.

[nursey01]

my wee one is 18 months and hes good to her when he can be bothered ie if he hasnt had an offer to go boozing with his mates! he was round tonight seeing her and asked when we are coming home!! he doesnt seem to get that i might not! it never used to be like this we used to be so in love! now im left with all the responsibility!

[JuliaScurr]

He sounds irresponsible tbh. Has he got any real idea about what is expected of adult men in relationships? As partners? As fathers? He seems to only want the carefree fun, not the inconvenient bits where he does the caring and gets not much back. Those are the bits he does because he loves the ones he does it for, not because it's fun.

[izzywhizzyspecanpie]

my wee one is his just as much as she is yours. That would seem would seem to be the be all and end all of what has gone wrong in your relationship as he hasn't stepped up to the plate of fatherhood.

He's still living the life of a man without responsibilities - off out being Jack the Lad with his mates while you shoulder all of the responsbilities of parenthood.

Do you love him, or has his lack of sympathy and support eroded your feelings for him?

[nursey01]

im not sure i do! its so difficult when ive been trying to give everything amd he doesnt! im just so scared of walking out and i regret it! we are supposed to be a family! i dont think i could cope being a single mum even tho im probably doing that now! who is going to want a girlfriend that comes with a ready made family! im so confused i dont know what to do!!

[LoveBeingAFirework]

If you go back you have to be prepared to live like that for the rest of your life, can you really do that?