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Need some support

6 replies

needsomeonetolisten · 13/11/2011 23:55

I've had a really hard year. I was sterilised 2 years ago and it failed within a year, but I had a gorgeous little boy in January. The problem was, he was my 6th and 4 of the others are autistic. My husband and I have been through a really bad patch - he was having internet affairs and downloading porn obsessively. Because of my children's problems getting worse, I've had to give up my degree - I was in my last year and I was doing really well. Anyway, the children have to take priority, so that's not so bad. The problem is that a few weeks ago I was really low about my degree and ended up having unprotected sex with my husband and now I'm pregnant again. There is so much prejudice against large families.
We're financially stable and have a very large house but I feel so upset with my husband because I still feel really low and insecure. We are committed Christians and are happy to welcome another child but I am sad and I think he resents me saying so. (Actually I feel better for writing it down!). I'm also dreading my friends reactions who've seen me through this patch with my husband. I'm delighted about the baby but a bit embarrassed in some respects. I know I'm incredibly lucky in most areas of my life but I could just use some (kindly) direction. We've just had an almighty row and now I feel rotten. Please help if you can.

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needsomeonetolisten · 14/11/2011 00:01

Bump.

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issey6cats · 14/11/2011 00:07

cant add anything practical just a big hug and good luck seven kids will be hard work, maybe a peace offering token of some sort even if the row wasnt your fault, like offer to run him a bath or even a coffee made for him, then talk to each other calmly about the situation, and not blaming anyone or any recriminations on either side go through the practical ways you can overcome any difficulties in future, the autistic kids look at ways of making life easier with them, ie any practical relief care, or extra money for aids in the house to releive meltdowns that is available would there be any possibility of you doing your degree part time or defering for a year or two being as you were in the last year it seems a shame to have dropped it completely, or using the credits you gained on a different qualification

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needsomeonetolisten · 14/11/2011 00:14

Thanks issey, I would love to pick it up again at some point. I worked really hard to get there and I feel sad. We rowed tonight because a mutual friend came around earlier and DH had kept photos of her on his phone. He's always animated when she visits. She can be quite bitchy and we were walking into town. I had cleaned my teeth before we went out and despite having been in 4 shops and having been friends for a few years she didn't bother to tell me I had toothpaste ALL round my mouth. I just feel like people keep tripping me up - no matter how hard I try. We got financial support for 2 of the children - the other 2 haven't been diagnosed yet but we know the signs. The big hug is very gratefully receive and I shall make some tea

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needsomeonetolisten · 14/11/2011 01:34

bump

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ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow · 14/11/2011 07:44

What is it you want, OP? Reassurance that you shouldn't be embarrassed to be having your seventh child?

As you say yourself, you're happy to welcome this child into the world, so if that's how you feel it shouldn't matter what other people think on that score.

The fact that you are staying with an unfaithful porn addict who you have a stormy relationship with - in the house where you are raising these 6 and soon to be 7 children - is maybe what you should be more concerned about. They are being affected by your rows, and are learning from your relationship that infidelity and porn addiction are ok. That, and quitting the degree which gave you a sense of fulfillment.

Is there really no way you can pick up your degree again? With the childcare responsibilities and the shitty husband you are shouldering, you really need something you can do for your own happiness.

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needsomeonetolisten · 14/11/2011 08:26

Thanks ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow. I probably do need some reassurance. I do feel proud of my body and I am looking forward to meeting the baby, so it's probably better to ignore others (just easier said than done at times!) I could perhaps start studying again at some point in the future through the OU - I do need something 'outside', but right now I just don't have the energy. But as soon as I'm feeling better, I will look into it