abusive neighbour

[sozzledchops]

i don't know what to do about my neighbours. They are a very respectable couple in their late 60's/70's. Problem is the woman is very abusive towards the man, both verbally and sometimes physically and I really don't know what to do about it, the man looks broken. I approached him about it quite a while back as we were worried the woman had mental health issues, maybe dementia or something and that maybe he didn't know how to deal with it. He admitted that things had escalated and she was out of control, had been drinking but that they were seeking help and counseling of some kind. The woman also approached me soon after to apologise and said she was seeing someone to help with issues about her childhood which had been in a home and very abusive, seems everything had just boiled over and she was very angry and out of control.

This year we thought that things had calmed down but we've been hearing the arguments and screaming again for a while. I want to help but I'm also getting upset and angry at having to hear and witness this abuse. They were in their garden this morning and she was just going on and on in a vicious way with him trying to appease her. It left me quite upset and angry and I almost intervened.

Thing is if this was a man abusing a woman in this way and they were younger then it would be totally unacceptable and i definitely would feel i'd have to do something more. I'm scared of making things worse if she is really going through a terrible ordeal to do with her childhood and they are genuinely trying to work their way through it but wonder if she is just being an abusive person and if this has been going on for years. i nearly confronted them and said if i head any more screaming and possible violence I would call the police to report DV - I really don't know if this kind of intervention would be helpful and make them face their issues.

any advice would be grateful as i really don't know how to deal with this but it is very hard to just bury my head in the sand.

[davidsotherhalf]

could you phone social services? they can do an assessment on them both and get them help...... you don't have to give your name when you phone, you could say your worried for there welfare

[sozzledchops]

that's an idea David, will think about it though I'm uneasy with making anonamous reports as I was threatened with SS by an old neighbour who was barking mad and trying to make trouble for me.

[mrstiredandconfused]

But your motivation behind speaking to SS is different Sozzled - it sounds like they both need help in some form or another, you're not looking at going in maliciously and causing trouble for the sake of it.

How many GP practices are there locally? If you are likely to be registered at the same one you might feel more comfortable speaking to your local surgery who may then be able to approach SS?

[kelly2000]

SS are not going to go in and march them off. They might be able to speak to the man, offer him advice, check if he needs help etc.

[sozzledchops]

Might be worth talking to them, I hadn't thought of SS. Thought it would have to be the police which is quite a big step to take. TBH, I don't care about being anonymous, they'd probably guess it was me anyway.