Name changed for this.
I have recently fallen out with a friend. We were very close for about 4 years.
My DH never liked her, said that she looked down her nose at me, and after spending time with her I was always in a bad mood.
Since she has been in my life, I feel my self confidence has taken a nose dive. She alluded to me being in an abusive relationship (I did moan at her when DH was being annoying but in no way was he abusive) and told me I am a bad parent.
She tried to convince me my DD has behavioural problems and would only call if she wanted something.I felt wrung out and put down and belittled.
The reason I ask is that I have been in abusive relationship in the past and the relief I feel now she has gone, coupled with the fact she used every confidence I had ever given her to undermine me, makes me feel like I can breathe for the first time in four years. I feel like I am out of an abusive relationship.
Am I being over dramatic or is this possible? DH says he is 'glad to have me back'.
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Is it possible to be in an abusive relationship with a friend?
TooShyHushHush · 09/10/2011 23:26
I feel a bit of an idiot to be honest.
I thought the whole abuse angle was more restricted to people living together (we did share a flat for a bit but that was years ago, before we were properly friends)
I feel like such a mug. I can look back now and see that she was running rings around me. I actually took my DD to the GP 
Still feel in a way I am making a fuss about nothing, but thank you so much for your replies.
Woah, cheese - that rings true. She told me that she didn't ever have female friends but I was different. 
Gawd, yes! In between Abusive H1 and Abusive H2, I shared a flat with Abusive BFF (I've learned my lesson now, honest )
In the style of Mumsnet amateur diagnosis, she's NPD. Life and soul of everything, a walking wisecrack, couldn't live without me but found it terribly amusing to put me down all the time. She actually stole my friends - I didn't believe this was possible, but she bloody did it - copied my clothes and hair, etc, and I eventually found out she blatantly lied to make old friends fall out with me. She's a nutjob.
She always has one very close female friend (currently my ex-best-friend) and drops them after 10 years or so, when she's used them up. For the past 25 years, she's been having an affair with her ex-fiance, whom she shagged on his wedding day. She's a charmer.
Yep, been there too. Recently ditched -vampire- friend. No one else was worth of her friendship 
, criticized my weight, my home making skills, my lack of job, may parenting, my big mouth , lied to me, started to citicize my DCs. She was gobsmacked when I started to ignore her calls.
Until you truley leave the -vampire- ex-friend behine you won't make a space for new friends. You are worth more and so am I? I'll be your pal. 
I doubt you're overthinking it, TSHH. Just the same as with maliciously selfish husbands, we get 'desensitized' to abuse and think we can cope with their psychological backhand - little realising that means we're already where they want us! Good friends make you feel stronger and happier, don't they? Not anxious, slightly desperate and 'coping'
I only started realising what an absolute nightmare that woman was, when I started analysing what happened with my marriages. It's the same process, really - once you can name the behaviours, and see what they did to you, the horror of it all finally becomes clear.
Not that I'm saying you have to do all that! (Well, I'd advise it if you've got a history like mine 
) You're rid of this leech and, as you say, well rid. But, no, you're not overthinking it :)
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