Hi, perhaps some of you wise ladies can give me some advice?
My friend is not particularly close, we never met up apart from seeing each other at work, but we have had some quite deep going online chats and there is kind of a feeling of 'we're there for each other when needed' without seeing each other regularly.
She moved back to Italy last October, with her DP, to the city his parents live in, as she doesn't get along too well with her own family. She was pregnant then, baby was born in January.
Now recently we have been in touch by e-mail and she told me that her partner left them two weeks ago. He doesn't want to see her nor the baby (who is now 6 months), thinks he 'might not love her anymore', he apparently 'can't deal with the responsibility of having a baby' and is in some sort of a crisis, and told her she would be better of without him and should start building a happier life for herself and baby.
She thinks he might have a depression. He has seen therapists, but she doesn't know what's going on there. She has offered to work through things, even if he wants to live apart from her and baby for a while, but he says no, he doesn't want to burden her.
They arranged a few meetings where he was supposed to spend some time with the baby, without having to see her/her having to see him. He didn't keep any of the appointments.
I don't really know much about their relationship. I thought they were generally happy. Now I am unsure of what to advise her.
Should I be generally supporting her in dealing with her DP's depression? I know that having a depressive partner can put a strain on a relationship, and it sounds to me as if he might be depressive, and in his depression self-sabotaging. Perhaps she would want out, or she would want to try to work through it. Either way, I would like to 'support' her through it, be there for her.
Or should I be supporting her in dealing with the fact that her DP turns out to be a twat who would leave his partner and baby over 'not liking how his life changed once the baby arrived'? Who furthermore won't even stand up and say so, but rather quite passive-aggressively implies that he is leaving for her sake?
Also, does anyone know if/what the corresponding places would be to go to in Italy, regarding Relate or CAB?
Any help appreciated. As she is in Italy, I can't unfortunately pop over and be a RL shoulder to lean on, but I'll do my best to be an open ear for her, in any case.
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Relationships
Friend's DP walked out - they're in Italy
9 replies
Meita · 30/07/2011 13:10
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