I know, another one of these chestnuts... (namechanger btw)
DH and I have just got married and we have a 2.5 year old DD. Up until now our finances have (probably quite unwisely) been separate. When I was on mat leave and working part time I had far less money than DH, so I would pay for a few bits e.g. groceries, and DH would sub me money. Then when I increased my hours I paid for the nursery fees. We never actually worked out what was fair ratio wise and just carried on like this, but I was permanently skint and DH would give me extra money if I needed it. Then when we got engaged a year ago I went full time and we both saved up the same amount per month towards the wedding.
DH's job became unstable during this time and it has now changed twice which has affected our finances, some costs spiralled close to the wedding date which we weren't expecting, and the upshot is that we have some debt to pay off now. I feel uncomfortable about this and want to pay it off asap, but I'm forever being made to feel guilty by DH like the reason I have debt is because of overspending. Whilst there have been unforseen costs that have come up, I don't think I have been irresponsible, though with the hindsight of the final cost of the wedding I would have reigned it in.
That's by the by now though, we are married and we both have debt (roughly the same amount) that we want to get rid of in order to start saving and move house. I have suggested to DH that we sit down work out finances as he was under the impression that he pays far more on bills etc than I do. He earns £15k more than me. Turns out, I pay £1400 on bills (nursery fees and groceries) he pays £1600 on the rest (mortgage, council tax, car etc). His disposable income is therefore more than double mine.
I suggested that we take both our disposable incomes and split it so we have the same, and can therefore pay the same off our debts so we can clear the whole lot in a few months. This would leave us with roughly £500 each to pay for our work travel, mobile phones and other personal bills (this comes to £230 for me). He is not happy at all and says this is a shit amount. This is far more than I have had to myself each month for a whole year (plus I'm the one who buys birthday cards and presents etc). If we leave it as it is, I literally end up with £0 after bills and debt payments. DH ends up with £1000! He's just telling me he'll have a think about it, but I can't see what other solution is fair? We both work the same hours and have equal responsiblity as a parent. I think £500 each is plenty and we are lucky to have it.
I'm so upset and hate having this conversation. Before DH and I got together I was not at all sensible with money and had a huge debt, which thankfully I cleared. But I always sense he doesn't trust me with money, which in turn I suppose makes me more wary of telling him when I have run out. All I want now as a family is to pay off the money and be sensible about this and above all for it to be fair. I'm not sure it does either of us any good if we can't pay it off but I think he feels like this debt is mine and he's being penalised because of it. The only reason I have this debt is because of the expense of the last year and the fact I have had such little money of my own.
What can I suggest that is fair? And yes, I know getting into debt was stupid but it was unexpected and we'll definitely not get ourselves in this position again
Thanks if you have managed to get the end of this essay...
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Relationships
DH not happy with equal split of money...
StampHappy · 29/07/2011 11:27
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