Day 1. A lot of crying and a near death experience. But.....

[LadyBlaBlah]

A few of you may have seen my posts about abusive 'h'. The good news is he moved out yesterday for a 'trial' separation - at least 30 weeks while he completes a domestic violence perpetrator course so today was Day 1.

I have cried a lot more than I expected. I thought I would be just relieved. But I can't get over the anger I have about the waste of time and effort I put into the relationship and feel totally let down by it all, him and somehow feel like I don't know myself at all - I am certainly not the strong person I thought I was.

And I hate explaining it over and over to friends about what has happened, and then feel like I must try to convince them that I am not talking bollocks and it is true that he did those things and was like that.

Oh, and my near death experience was that I decided to cut the hedges because they had got ridiculously neglected. Thought it would be a good task to show "I don't need him". And cut through the wire.

Survived though

Just a post to say thanks to all the posters on this section. There are some amazing people who help you see through the fog. I'm on my way

[jbcbj]

I haven't seen your story till now, and I know that hugs are not really the done thing but have some secret .... It sounds like you have survived on many levels, and that, to me, makes you strong. Good luck.

[LadyBlaBlah]

I'll take any hugs on offer, thanks

[AnyFucker]

have another < hug >

wow, just wow

take care x

[ginhag]

Hey Lady. I don't know your story except for the OP but just wanted to say well done. You are a strong woman to get this far. Keep going.

This is for you ---> xx (don't tell anyone!)

[FairyLightsForever]

I know some of your story, Lady (I'm mostly a lurker)
I just wanted to say that you sound strong to me too. I'm guessing that you're experiencing a kind of shock- you've been walking on eggshells for so long, that when you don't have to, the stress and strain of it all catches up with you. It will probably do you a lot of good to cry.
Well done and have another

[IWantWine]

hey and (( hugs )) best wishes from me too. I think of all the times I have needed a hug! Someone to tell me that everything will be alright! Stay strong. I always belive that things will get better.. and lets face it, often they cant get much worse :) 'The only way is up!'

[LadyBlaBlah]

I know it's going to be a rocky road and you are so right FairyLights - the lack of eggshell walking means you just let go and the crying becomes persistent. Healthy reaction I guess , just look a bit of a dick wearing shades all the time when the sun is barely out.

[BibiBlocksberg]

Well, I don't your story and I usually run a mile from hugs of any kind but even I'm happy to offer one one on this occasion :)

You're on your way LadyBlahBlah - def sounds like you ARE a very strong person despite you feeling to the contrary today. Glad you didn't come to any harm with that cable!

Rooting for you :)

[FairyLightsForever]

It will get easier every day and I'm guessing it helps to know that there are people here all round the clock to laugh at you for wearing sunglasses in this weather talk!

[Anniegetyourgun]

Well the sun's out in the south east big-time today, so the weather is conspiring to help you. Hope your mood lifts with it.

Too late to be helpful, I'll just be a pain by commenting that doing demanding stuff when the balance of your mind is elsewhere is a bad plan. Keeping busy is good but potentially dangerous or sensitive activities - like polishing the best crystal, and yes, perching on ladders wielding electrical weapons - are probably best left for another day. You're not an idiot; you're distracted.