Can't orgasm since childbirth (DS 3)

[pollypopsocks]

I have never been able to orgasm with a partner but since the birth of DDs I can't even have one on my own! It was a pretty traumatic birth, this may have something to do with it but it has been 6 months now and it's still not happening, am getting worried!

[worldgonecrazy]

Even with a rabbit?

[pollypopsocks]

Even with a rabbit!

[WowOoo]

Did you tear?
After mine it took a lot of practice to get the same sensations back!

Give yourself time to heal properly. Don't worry - you'll get your mojo back.

[pollypopsocks]

Had a small tear but same as others dc's...

[worldgonecrazy]

Have you tried different methods of hitting the right spot. If there is some nerve damage it might start repairing itself soon.

[JessicaDrew]

when DD 3 has afternoon nap
maybe a bit of porn and rabbit may do the trick

[fartingfran]

I feel anatomically different since my VB. I can still climax but it took a bit of getting used to and some technique-tweaking. I'm optimistic that the altered position of things may eventually mean I can orgasm without manual assistance - not yet but one day perhaps.

It may be that you need a combination of time, patience and an open mind. Good luck :)

[merrywidow]

worrying that you can't can prevent it; I went through this and am thankfully out the other side.

[7to25]

are you breastfeeding?
If you are, then it is probably hormonal. I had this problem every time till weaning

[FabbyChic]

Why not visit your doctor and ask if it can be something else?

[Tortu]

Blimey. We should combine posts! 7to25, can you give a bit more info? Like how long did you keep on breastfeeding for on this basis? And are you sure that it is the breastfeeding which was the cause?

Polly, I posted earlier and my baby is five months.

Doesn't help that I'm not feeling at my most sexy at the moment!

[AmIAPayne]

Yep, breastfeeding did that to me too and I breastfed for a very long time. Did begin to worry that I might never go back to having them, it took a fair time after BF to regain my O ability and yes a rabbit and pornography literature was involved

[pollypopsocks]

Yes I am breastfeeding, planning to keep on for another 6 months but I guess the feeds will get less frequent as DS starts eating solids. It's more I can't get into the frame of mind, nothing turns me on! Then when I try to physically turn myself on nothing happens, feels ok-ish for a while then nothing!

[FabbyChic]

Maybe you and your partner need time alone, go out together for the evening.

How about porn would watching it help?

I recommend buying a Sarena from Ann Summers, it's purely clitoral but gives fab orgasms, maybe having some would get you back in the mood for more?

[pollypopsocks]

Yes they do say use it or lose it! I just find sex and touching myself a real turn off at the moment even though I've got my figure back and I'm not depressed. I wonder if it's to do with the negative birth experience and feeling violated (a strong word I know but only one I can think of to describe it!) by the midwife

[FabbyChic]

I think that probably has a lot to do with it, hopefully as that experience fades in your memory you will feel more like having sex.

[StellaSays]

You felt 'violated' by the midwife Polly? Can you elaborate on that. Did it feel very different to your other births?

If you still feel uncomfortable around your own body that may have something to do with it.

[pollypopsocks]

Well basially I went on a diamorphone 'trial'... although they are given it in Scotland they feel the need to test in here where I live to make sure it's safe. I vommited loads and the midwife said I needed to go on a drip, I was distraught about this as had previoulsy had drips and have a real phobia of them. When I refused she got really shitty and bad tempered creating a reallly bad atmosphere in the delivery room. It didn't help that she refused to leave the whole time, she was a newly qualified so very methodical and spent the whole time (literally) checking the babies stats, she admitted she was 'hiding and pretending to be busy'. I agreed to be monitored for my babies safety and the monitor was so awful and uncomfortable and she couldnt fit it properly, eventually she went on a break and another midwife came in, I felt more relaxed with her and said I was removing the monitoring equipment as labour was incredibly slow because I was havingto lie flat on my back and I needed to move around. The other midwife came back and warned me that when the baby crowns I will be in incredible pain ( I'd had epidurals before) this freaked me out, I didn't realise I was in transition and the pain became unbearable, I was screaming and crying and they gave me an epidural at 9cm, the midwife forced her hand inside me up to her elbow to check how dilated I was after I had asked her not to and DH alomost went to counselling about the whole experience. when he was born I was left in stirrups from the ventouse delivery and DH had to clean me up and sort out the stirrups, we were then left for another 4 hours in the delivery room, I will never have another ghospital birth!

[StellaSays]

Oh that sounds awful Polly, poor you!

You may still be feeling uncomfortable around that area due to the trauma. Your DH may be as well after seeing you in so much distress, you mentioned ne almost went to counselling over it?

I would suggest some counselling for you certainly and maybe for DH as well as a couple. If your lack of orgasms is a hormonal or physical thing then it can't hurt and if it is an emotional thing it may get you back on track.

[atswimtwolengths]

You should make a formal complaint about all of this, OP. (Not the orgasm!) You were treated badly at a time when you should have been given care.