long term friend seems disinterested

[GettinTrimmer]

We have been friends for 34 years, we live in different areas but still close by and have dc different ages. We don't see each other that often but keep in touch every couple of weeks.

Friend is stressed out with paying school fees, teenagers, working, health problems.

I am sure I've not done anything to upset her, but she seems very disinterested in meeting up, doesn't answer my texts. The last time I saw her she complained about her other friends, saying she doesn't see this friend and that friend anymore.

I texted her last week, I had seen a celebrity walking round town (Neil Morrissey!) and double checking the date of her dd's birthday, she just briefly replied and ignored the bit about her dd.

I really respect the need to give her space and time, but feel very hurt

Has anyone been through the same with a long friendship that seems to be ending? I really hope it doesn't

[belgo]

Have you phoned her and actually spoken to her? Maybe she doesn't check her phone very often?

[GettinTrimmer]

She constantly checks her phone (all the time when we meet up, and answers texts while we are chatting), but yes I will ring her, although I'm aware she barely has time to talk so I generally let her ring me when she has time.

[k8athome]

Could it be that she has something else troubling her that she can't share? Maybe she is a bit depressed, sounds like it isn't all roses in her life. I have been "ditched" by a long term friend too, but at the end of the day I have probably also ditched other friends simply because my life at that time was too complicated. Maybe give her some space and see what turns up.

[bleedingstill]

she sounds depressed

[GettinTrimmer]

Thanks for replies.

I've been ditched by another long term friend who moved to Paris, I think she had troubles she didn't feel she could share, even though she was delighted to hear from me every time I rang/wrote. She just stopped returning calls/answering letters.

I can accept it if that's what my friend of 34 years really wants I don't want to be intense with her she already has enough going on.

[GettinTrimmer]

bleedingstill I think she could be depressed - I am wondering if it's hormonal too, I know she's had trouble that way for quite a long time.

[bleedingstill]

I suggested that because that is how I have acted in the past when depressed.I realy wanted no contact with the outside world - would not answer the phone, hide indoors with the curtains shut and stuff.

send her occasional texts "thinking of you, hope all is ok, call me if you fancy a chat " type stuff

[Oscalito]

I have found some friendships do go through stages where you barely have any contact for whatever reason. Sometimes it's best to just let that be the case, as bleedingstill says, send the odd text but not expecting much more. You might find in a while she realises she needs to pull her weight and contacts you, especially as you have been friends for so long. It is hurtful though, some people are definitely much better at all the keeping in touch stuff than others. She sounds like she's distracted rather than trying to end the friendship.

[GettinTrimmer]

Thanks, it's really helped talking about it. Friend seems to want to close ranks with family atm, but I will send the occasional text as you suggest bleedingstill.

Oscalito, it helps to see this as hopefully a phase the friendship is going through

For a long time now she only wants to see me every school holiday for about an hour/hour and a half on her way to somewhere else. I asked her and dh over for a drink, she said yes but wouldn't commit to a date, I know that if I ask her about it she would just say she forgot and too busy. If I were to tell her I'm hurt by it I suspect she would just say she's very busy and would feel resentful as my life isn't as busy as hers. She complained about another friend cold-shouldering her, she thinks as she hadn't contacted that friend and said "I can't be bothered" so I think I have to tread carefully.