Feel like throwing the towel in

[shocked2]

Fantasize about saying this to dh:

1. you are never affectionate or loving towards me
   
2. I find it impossible to talk about anything that really matters to me regarding
   

our relationship as you cut me short / start shouting / turn things back on me

1. we are not equals in this relationship
   
2. you are short tempered
   
3. we never go out just the two of us
   
4. I don't feel special or especially liked
   
5. I am 42 and feel that no man is ever going to find me attractive again, least of all you......
   
6. you are so much nicer to our kids than you are to me
   

SO PLEASE CAN WE SPLIT UP ?????

This is what I would really like to do but we have three kids 5, 7 and 9 so that changes everything. I'm just fed up with not being able to speak my mind or discuss things honestly and openly with him. I would so like to feel relaxed and happy - be able to have a laugh and flirt that would be lovely. I feel that we need to re-negotiate almost everything about our relationship but don't know how to do this??? He is totally not the counselling type.

[shocked2]

Feel I should add that we have been together for 15 years - that dh is 12 years older than me and that he comes from a home where his dad (an angry alcoholic) left when he was 15 and that he (dh) is divorced from his first wife

[FabbyChic]

How about writing him a letter and telling him how unhappy you are?

Can you not make changes yourself? Arrange child care so that you two can both go out for an evening?

[malinkey]

I agree with writing him a letter. BUT if things don't change and he isn't interested enough to do something about the situation such as going to counselling whether he is the type of person to do it or not - then you are perfectly entitled to split up with him - WITHOUT asking his permission.

[HerHissyness]

This situation will only get worse unless you (a) solve it, or (b) end it. This is no way to live. This is no way to raise children. You deserve better.

[shocked2]

Yes - need to talk to dh definitely and this could maybe start with a letter, but in reality I would just like to feel that we could discuss anything calmly and if necessary both make compromises without it feeling so intimidating. Feel like I am moving into a different phase of my life where I want to reach my full potential and not skulk around being half the person I could be. I would be prepared to change the things dh would like me to change but I really need to feel that we are equals and friends.... and that he loves me (not sure if I love him by the way!!!) and really wants to be with me... he is generally very buttoned up emotionally (though not with the kids) and I have to say I find this tiring - it would be nice to be with someone who really appreciated you and who was not scared to say so... obviously dh does not really appreciate me for lots of different reasons, some of them my fault......
Thanks for messages, just thinking aloud really

[crje]

sounds like your feeling taken for granted ,I do feel like you sometimes,that dh has it easier and needs the emotional relationship less than I do.
Have you considered moving into the spare room for a while to gather your thoughts and let him know your struggling and need him to clear up a few things.
I let it go then send a shi**y e-mail then its good and it slides again..........
just don't know how i could tell the kids I was breaking up the family because I was fed-up