abuse from partners alcoholic ex

[lottie82]

My partners ex wife is an alcoholic. She has been in rehab various times and always goes back to alcohol. Sometimes she can stay off the drink for 2 or 3 weeks, but in the end she always goes back to it. Often binging for over a week at a time until her family come collect her or she ends up in hospital.

They have 2 children together, who he obviously has full custody of. She occasionally sees the children if she has been sober for a prolonged period (which isn?t very often.)

The main problem is this, when she is drunk she phones his mobile constantly, and the landline to shower him with abuse and demanding to speak to the children (obviously this is never going to happen if she has been drinking). If it is during the day he has to answer it, as if he doesn?t she just continually phones his work.

He is still on reasonably good terms with her father who is a good man, and sees his grandchildren regularly. He does his best and has tried to talk to her, but nothing seems to work.

He is so stressed, it makes me want to cry. Obviously he cannot cut her off totally as she is the childrens? mother, but we can?t deal with this much longer. It is also awful for the children, who don?t understand why their mother would rather drink than see them. It is putting strain on all of us and our relationships.

[squeakytoy]

I think the only thing is to answer the phone once, tell her that you are now going to switch off the phone, and nobody will be speaking to her until she is sober. And then do it.

The work phone is probably more difficult, but is there a direct line or is she getting put through by someone else. Is it possible for them to screen the calls and tell her he is not in work that day?

I feel for you, it must be very draining for everyone.

[lottie82]

no he is mechanic and works in a small garage, there is only 1 line in the office, if they tell her he isn't there she won't listen. the only way he can stop her calling there is to answer his mobile phone.

he's considered calling the police, but i don't know if this is the answer or will do anygood.

[lottie82]

i dont thinks screening the calls or barring a certain munber is possible becaus eof the business line they have

[perfumedlife]

Can't he call a lawyer for advice? I would be wanting some kind of court order for harrassment in place. She could be given set times for phone calls to the kids, if she doesn't keep to it, she loses it.

No way should he be hassled like this at work, it's abusive and is affecting his ability to do his job, make money and keep the kids she neglected.

Time to get tough, get her to court.

[squeakytoy]

I suppose if she is pissed, she wont take any notice anyway :(

Does she live alone?

[lottie82]

squeaky, yes she lives alone. her family (parents and siblings) live about an hours drive away. They want her to live near them so they can keep an eye on her and support her, but she insists in staying in her current flat, so she can be closer to the kids, which is ironic as she is always far too drunk to see them.

I know alcoholism is supposed to be an illness but it is hard to have sympathy after all the hassle she puts everyone around her through, and how she breaks he kids hearts. The sad thing is, when she is she is sober (10% of the time), she is a great mum. She just chooses to drink over her children.

[lottie82]

i think you're right, it is time to get tough but he is reluctant to do this as he says it wont make any difference and he doesn't want to cause more problems as things are stressfull enough at the moment.

[perfumedlife]

What won't make any difference is everybody continuing to allow her to rampage around their lives. The constant calls are affecting you all. Why should she get away with it? He is wrong, it will make a difference, if he gets a non molestation or similar order, she will be punished for breaking it.

I have no sympathy for people who moan yet take no action.

[squeakytoy]

Perfumed is right, you have to do something. Whether it is to inform the police, or go to a solicitor, just letting it carry on wont help.

[lottie82]

yes you're right, next time it happens I will put my foot down and demand he does something constructive. we can't go on like this and no reasonable attempts to mediate the situation are going to work.

[EldritchCleavage]

Take it in stages. I think your husband needs advice from a solicitor or the police about what is possible and what court or police action would entail, so work on getting him to agree to see someone about it. That way he knows what his options are for the future. Then he can decide what he wants to do. He may be reluctant to commit to action before he knows what that means.