Rebound relationships - signs

[ginnyjeans]

Ok, well, my sister warned me about rebound relationships. I applied all to myself, not realising that I was probably a rebound relationship to the guy I was seeing.

My friend is also seeing someone and I've warned her to be careful as he sounds similar to the guy I was seeing.

So - what are the warning signs?

Once the guy is over his previous relationship - is there hope for the rebound girl/woman? Or should you just chalk it up to experience?

So - signs for me (which I see as clearly 'rebound now.
Full on intense with me from the beginning. If you think it's too good, it probably is!
Separated (although told me as good as 'divorced'). I was also separated (will be divorced in 2 weeks) and felt this was ok, but will stay clear of separated men in future.
Critical of his ex. Brought her up quite a lot.
Emailing to tell me he was feeling 'flat' and me trying to make him feel better.
Overly concerned for his children (I admired the concern but I think it's a bit much when he cancels a date as he is worried that his 9 year old would want him to pop round to his ex's house to 'tuck him in' or give him a 'hug' goodnight).

Sigh.

[got2bequackers]

I think its different for everyone. Some people have mentally checked out of a relationship long before it actually ends so they dont really rebound.

Others may never be ready to move on.

In my opinion its not how far or how quickly they rebound its the ammount of baggage that comes with it!

[Beamur]

My DP had all the signs of rebound when we met - he was fairly recently separated (not his choice) very sensitive about kids etc - all screamed vulnerable and rebound to me, but we took it gently and are still together (plus child of our own) 8 years later.
A fair amount of baggage, I grant you, but some men especially I think move on quite quickly.

[ginnyjeans]

Yes, I guess you are right, because I don't feel like I was rebounding. I am very definitely over my relationship with stbxh.

Beamur - when you say took it gently what do you mean? Did he ever pull back from you? Did you ever call it a day? Or just took things extremely slowly while still in the relationship. Just interested. My rebound guy is keeping in touch and keeps bringing up the times we were together, but is not making any moves to see me. He said he needs a clearer head. I've had advice to just move on but if it is an emotional issue should I just give it time? Or am I playing silly scenarios in my own head. I read today there is no such thing as the right man, only the right timing. Hmmmm.

Just funny my friend is in same position now also.

[Beamur]

He didn't pull away - on the contrary really, he was very attentive but just emotionally fragile. He was also oddly jealous at times about my previous relationships which was very trying but I refused to be cowed by his reaction, but it was a subject which I subsequently refused to allow to be discussed.
We never called it a day, or even considered it - with us I think he wanted to be in a relationship with all the structure he was used to quite quickly, but it wasn't right for that to happen too quickly. I suppose he wanted to feel loved and needed again, and I did want to get to know him, but wanted it to be about me and him and not just for anyone to be the one to fill the gap and this took time for us to establish.
I agree with relationships being about the right timing rather than right guy, but on that basis would not wait around for the timing to be right either.
In your shoes I would try and move on, you could keep in touch with this chap, but don't stop yourself from seeing other people.

[ginnyjeans]

I haven't done. I'm trying to move along... I've been out and about with the girls (and had a few snogs, trying to distract myself) but I just can't get him off my mind. It's so teenage. But he is the first guy I've felt anything for since my husband so I guess maybe that's why I can't seem to detach myself.

I do think it's because of timing as there are no indicators that he was anything other than 'into' me. But he definitely has issues to sort through with regards to the break up of his marriage. But this constant referral to our time together annoys me. He will refer to a song that reminds him of me, and talks about what a crazy and great time we had. If we are just friends why bring that up all the time!?!

Women - we over-analyze everything hey! Well, I do anyway! ha ha

[ginnyjeans]

Oh, btw, was out with girls but had snogs with guys! ha ha ;)