ooooh what to do...

[tinkerbell41]

i,ve been 'dating' my toy boy for 6weeks now and its great,really good fun,exciting in bed,no strings attached and his work hrs mean that we can spend time together when kids not here-they dont and wont(for a good while anyway if it lasts)know about him..
i feel like i,m a much happier mummy to them and i,m being very careful to keep up my own interests etc...

problem is hes very young emotionally and i think hes been very badly hurt in past and has trust issues....
he says one thing but does another...he doesnt want any romantic hearts and flowers talk which tbh suits me but hes very attentive when we out or in and is almost chasing me if you know what i mean-i let him do most of the initial contact/txting-today he ran up the stairs in gym to talk to me as i was on the way to a class...

but i am finding it hard getting the balance of letting him know that i,m into him without overstepping things..if i do by mistake he stops txting but then the next day he makes up some silly reason to contact me...

i,m very very happy to take things slow,am not expecting any sort of committiment from him(except to know hes going to turn up as arranged and not leave me standing) but am i fooling myself?? i ,m trying not to get attached but know that i am...

should i walk away now while its still such good fun or leave it a bit longer and risk getting hurt??

[spidookly]

So he wants to chase you but if you show any interest he backs off?

I'm surprised you can be arsed with that TBH.

It's so teenagery and obviously manipulative.

You're neither having no-strings fun NOR seeing how things go - you are not allowed to be keen nor to be casual, you have to walk a tightrope of his making.

It sounds exhausting.

I bet you can find someone better than this.

[thisisyesterday]

i would sit him down and ask him what gives tbh

he either wants a bit of no-strings fun, or he wants more... only he can tell you which it is and how far you let yourself get involved.

i think in your position i would say no more until you know where you stand

[tinkerbell41]

its not so much if i show any interest,its more that he doesnt like 'romantic' talk as he puts it but yet he will say things to me that are very sweet and hes very affectionate which i love as i had no affection of any sort in my marriage...he kinda has these codes for things rather than straight forwardly saying it..

maybe i,m being stupid but i actually like having a silly sort of teenage fling thing,its just such good fun...
am i being a fool??

[PinkIceQueen]

If you are happy and noone is getting hurt, I don't see the problem.

[tinkerbell41]

have to say one of the things i like is that he listens and i mean really listens to everything i say-that is something soley missing in my marriage...also when hes drunk hes much more into telling me how cool i am-is that the drink talking or his real feelings do you think???
i,m sooo out of the dating game...

[spidookly]

No, by all means have your teenage fling as long as you're enjoying it.

If if/when it gets annoying remember to step away and not try to force it into something it's not.

[tinkerbell41]

ta spidookly,i think thats my real concern as i,m a bit of a softie and have had a rough couple of years since separating from eh(my choice)..theres also a bit of a concern about what will happen when ex and kids find out-tbh i,m surprised they havent already as ex tends to call at house at strange times when kids with him-always giving some sort of strange excuse but i think hes checking up on me as i,m in 'his' house

[robberbutton]

It seems like you're having fun, which is a good thing, but I don't like the sound of you having to watch what you say or else he gets into a sulk. That sounds a bit crap. Can't you tell him how annoying that is? That you want to say nice things without him thinking you want to tie him down (outside the bedroom, of course ;) )

What kind of thing doesn't he like to hear?

[onehotmomma]

I would sit down and talk to him. Tell him straight what you want out of the relationship etc and if he has a problem with it, stop wasting your time and walk away :)

[spidookly]

The issue with your ex is kind of a separate issue.

He checks up on you because you live in "his" house?

I do not like the sound of that one bit.

If you want to have some fun with a toyboy that is entirely up to you and is no business of your ex's. Or your children's for that matter, and I hope your ex would not involve them in it if it was something you wanted to keep to yourself.

[tinkerbell41]

rb-i guess i really should say something to him but i really think hes been messed up well by his ex so i was working on the principle of giving him time so he can see i,m not going to mess him around....i did talk to him weeks ago about what was going on and told him i just want to have fun at min and that when we had enough of each other i was happy to walk away...

last nite he was txting happily and i said bout playing strip poker,he said strip monopoly and i said oh you romantic you ...he txt back no romantic talk and thatn was it for the nite til first thing this am when he txt to see if i was up???

[tinkerbell41]

ohm-maybe it my fault in a way cause i really dont want to talk to him about it as i was kinda enjoying the whole will he wont he teenage thing...maybe i,m mad...

spooky-i dont agree with ex,he pays the mortgage and things have been really bad,i didnt realise how ea he was til i managed to have the courage to ask him for a separation-when i told my parents they were waiting with a solicitor organised for me as they had seen waht he was doing despite me thinking i was hiding it well..

[WhenwillIfeelnormal]

It sounds as though he's playing a role in a bad drama.

The role of a tortured soul whose heart was broken by a dastardly woman. I bet he's got "The first cut is the deepest" and "Wherever I lay my hat, that's my home" playing on repeat on his ipod....

I couldn't bear to be with someone who policed my every word and played games. Too juvenile and too controlling.

Also, maybe you're just not cut out, at the moment or perhaps at all, for a no-strings relationship? Perhaps you're also trying to be something you're not?

[tinkerbell41]

that a very good point wwifn and one of the reasons i posted this thread....just dont know what to do as i have so much fun with him but dont want to mess my life up any more for a bit of fun????anyone in real life who knows me and knows bout him is saying go for it you so deserve some fun after what you,ve been through(sick son,horrible marriage) but i havnt told them wot i,ve told you guys...

[robberbutton]

Wow, he's dictating what you can and can't say that directly, and then blanks you if you get it wrong? Uh uh. I can see why you want it to carry on for a bit, but that would have to stop, surely. It's manipulative and rude.

[tinkerbell41]

ta guys for all you help...hes just away,called round to see me cause he knew kids werent here tonight,had something to eat and a cuddle/tv nite and now hes away home which i,m kinda disappointed about in one way but happy bout in another cause at least it shows hes not just after a quick screw....he wants me to meet him in gym in am for a workout...