Getting older, sex less intense?

[Eva68]

DH & I are in our mid-forties, been together 20 years, great kids, always been happy together, always had a good sex life. For the last few years though sex has become less intense for him. We still do it 2-3 times a week, but where DH always used to have to pace himself or he'd finish too quickly, now he often has trouble finishing at all. Getting started isn't a problem, but he can now go for ages without coming, and often the only solution is for one of us to finish him off by hand. He says he's just not as sensitive as he used to be any more and he needs more stimulation. We're very comfortable together so it's not a problem as such to masturbate in front of each other or together, but we both feel we're missing out a bit because he rarely comes inside me any more. I enjoy the sex, and usually orgasm a couple of times at least with him inside, but I find I get dry after I've climaxed so I have to ask him to stop (or at least take it out) before he's finished. We've tried various positions to give him more pressure while he's inside me, but missionary & doggy are the only ones that really work for me (plus we're too old & stiff for gymnastics!)

He's a lovely bloke, tells me I'm beautiful and sexy all the time, and I know he still fancies me, but I guess we're both just getting older and this is probably normal? Is there anything we can do to help this?

[Malificence]

Use a good lube and switch to the best position for him when you've had enough.
Too long in the same positon can also lead to a lack of sensation, so by changing positions you get different stimulation.

If you can get him off by hand, he should have no problems coming inside you, we have far harder/rougher PIV sex than either of us could ever handle with masturbation!

[onehotmomma]

I agree to use a good lube, also does he masturbate on his own? if so I would get him to stop and perhaps leave it a little longer between each session to see if that helps.

Another thing I would suggest is 'playing' with him for a little while before hand to get him going

[AbsOfSteel]

Spice it up. they dont say variety is the spice of life for nothing.

[Eva68]

Thanks. I've never used lube, it seems so unromantic. I'm not sure either of us wants to prolong the sex, just get it to finish satisfactorily. Watching him diy and come usually sets me off again anyway, and there's plenty of lube after he's come IYSWIM, so it's not a problem as such, it's probably more of an issue for him than me tbh. I suppose what I really want to know is whether losing sensitivity is normal for men in their 40's? I was worried about prostate cancer or something like that, but he says that's silly and we are just getting older.

When I've got my period we sometimes masturbate together, but even doing it himself (and he ought to be the expert) or if I give him a BJ, it stills takes him a long time to come.

I'm not sure I would know how to 'spice it up', I'm not really built for suspenders and stockings. I'm up for trying something if it might help. We've tried bum love (with lube, obviously) in the past a few times, didn't really do much for me but it certainly worked for him.

[Malificence]

You're missing out if you've not used lube, it's the best sex aid ever!
Nothing unromantic abaout it at all, I definitely don't need lube, we just love it because it heightens the sensations, makes everything feel much nicer.
A decent cock ring can improve his sensitivity too, are his erections less erm, impressive nowadays?

DH is mid 40's and isn't any less sensitive than he used to be, just has better self control
The only time he can go on and on indefinitely is when he's had more than a couple of drinks, but then I know a couple of guaranteed ways to make him come IYSWIM.

[TobyLerone]

Lube is standard bedroom equipment now. Not like it used to be.

Have you asked him if there's anything else he'd like to try? Discussing your fantasies between you (not necessarily with the aim of actually doing them) might help.

[Eva68]

Cock rings? Good grief, I don't even own a vibrator! (I used to have one, but I didn't get on with it, preferred the real thing or his fingers).

Erections are still quite impressive, as is the ... output.

Ok, maybe lube is worth a go. The only one I know is KY, is that the one to use? I do associate it more with visits to the Dr though - eek!

Mal - 'guaranteed ways to make him come' ... I need details!!

Toby - not sure I have any fantasies, apart from the usual 'on the beach on a deserted island', 'luxury hotel on a bed of rose petals' etc. Neither are much help on a school night!

[TobyLerone]

Why is it no help to talk about your fantasies on a school night? Maybe he has some which are more realistic/logistically possible.

Lube can be bought online if you'd rather not go to a shop to buy it. We get Liquid Silk from lovehoney.com. If you're ok with buying it in a shop, the Durex one is fine. Can't remember the name, but it's in a blue bottle. DO NOT buy the tingly/heating ones . You can buy it in the supermarket.